We arrive at Fangtasia and enter through the employee entrance. Eric and I walk down the hall to his office, hand in hand.
A moment later, Pam appears in the door way, as if by magic.
“Sookie. Master?” Pam says with a nod to me and a deep nod to Eric before giving him, her full attention. I notice her eyeing Eric’s arm wrapped around me, while I sit in his lap.
“Has Compton arrived?” Eric says getting right to business.
“Yes Master. Compton arrived over an hour ago and has been causing quite a scene. He has been complaining to anyone who would listen, about how you stole what was his. I can not believe he is still insisting that Sookie is his after the show last night. It is really quite pathetic.” Pam rolls her eyes.
“That should come as little surprise to you Pam, he is the most pathetic Vampire either of us, have ever know.”
“True Master.” Pam vehemently agrees with a nod.
“Sookie is expecting her friend Harold to arrive shortly and he is bringing in a project they have been working on. This project has something to do with Bill.” Eric raises an eye brow interest.
“Is that so Sookie? I can not wait to see what the two of you have up your sleeve for likes of Compton.”
“Pam did you remember the video camera? I want to make sure we capture the presentation and Bills face when he sees our little surprises.”
“Of course Sookie. I would not miss recording anything that will add to Bills chagrin! You should see all the emails I received, about your itemized break up list and singing performance. Fang Magazine wants to interview you for a 10 page spread and an in-depth story, for next months issue! I can’t wait to see, what exactly you have planned for tonight!” Pam says with an evil leer.
“Really! Why in the world would Fang Magazine want to interview me?” I say in confusion, while she gives me a knowing look.
“It’s not every day a human speaks to a Vampire that way, Sookie. You are a rarity.”
“Huh.” I say not knowing how to respond to Pam’s comment.
“Let us know when Harold arrives.”
Pam breezes out of the room at Vamp speed.
“Are you ready to head to the floor Lover? My adoring public awaits.”
“Wow, how do you fit your head though doorways, with an ego that large? Never mind, forget I asked.” A roll my eyes at him.
“The same way I fit myself into other ‘tight spaces’ Lover, I work my way in…slowly, until I am fully… in.” Eric in a deep sexy voice.
I laugh and hit his arm. Then I rap my arms around his neck, pulling him down to steal a lustful kiss.
“Is that so Mr. Northman? You better be, only working yourself into one tight space from now on.”
“Don’t worry Lover, the only tight spaces I will be working myself into, will be in you. Although I should mention, that there is more than one such space, located on your luscious body.” Eric says looking me up and down licking his lips. I can almost see the ideas turning around in his head, by the look in his eyes.
“Eric! I am so not talk about that!” I squeal, while slapping his arm in mock shock and embarrassment.
“Come Lover, if we do not leave this office now, I will have no choice but to rip off your clothes. The I will bend you over my desk and thrust myself into you relentlessly, till you are no longer able to scream my name.” He raises a sexy eyebrow at me.
“You say that as if it is a bad thing, Viking.” I look at him with a seductive look. Eric reaches down to adjust himself in his pants and lets out a growl.
“You little minx. You will pay for that comment later.”
“Oh, I am counting on it, Viking.” I blink at him seductively, blowing him a kiss, giggling and then high tail it out of his office. I leaving him standing there with a surprised look upon his face. I take 3 steps out of the room, before he catches me. He slams me into the wall and devours my lips. Rubbing every inch of his lean body against mine, growling and raising my lust for him to an almost critical level.
Just when I am about to start ripping off his clothes, Pam is standing beside us.
“Oh Master, can I join in on the fun?”
“Pam! She .. is.. MINE! We are Bonded! I will not share!”
“Touchy tonight are we…. Bonded! Well that is unexpected. I am sure Bill will just love that.” Pam says in her normal bored voice. I see a light burning brightly in her eyes, at the thought of Bill finding out our new status.
“Bill’s desires are of little concern to me!” Pam raises an eye brow at Eric.
“Sookie your friend Harold has just arrived. He is waiting in Masters booth.”
“Thanks Pam.” I say, while setting my clothes back to rights. Once I am sure, I am put back to rights, Eric and I head out to the bar. Pam walks behind us with the video camera in hand, catching our entrance, for prosperity. Or so she says.
Everyone stops what they are doing and turns around to watch us. The club goes deadly quiet, so quiet you could actually hear a pin drop. Suddenly my head is filled to the brim with nasty thoughts from the Fangbangers.
“Who is that skank with the Master?”
“Why is the Master holding her hand? He should be holding my hand! She looks like nothing but trailer trash to me.”
“I hope he ditches the blond, I want to have my way with him tonight in his office. After all I am the best he has ever had” Pictures flash through her head of her and Eric together, but they are muddled as if result of glamour and not a real memory. I quickly throw up my shields, so I don’t see the sordid details of the Fangbanger’s fantasys about Eric.
In a flash Bill is standing before us. I sigh. So it begins.
“Bill.” I say in an overly annoyed manner.
“Sookah…Eric.” Bill nods to me, then growls out Eric’s name, as if his name is a profanity.
Bill steps closer to me, reaching out to touch me. But he stops mid action and sniffs the air. You could almost see he light bulb going off in his head.
“You… You…Bonded to him! You are mine, not his! You are not allowed to take blood from another! You will be punished!” He says first with disgust, then anger. He grabs my arm so hard, I think he almost snapped the bones in my wrist and attempts to pull me away from Eric.
Eric removes Bill’s hand from my wrist in a movement so fast, it look like nothing more than a flash. Which results in Bill’s arm being broken. Eric’s other hand is clenched around Bills neck, holding him up in the air and growls in his face.
“She is my Bonded! You.. Will.. NOT…. Touch. Her! EVER! She left you over 3 months ago for you transgressions. You pathetic fool! She has told you repeatedly, she will not take you back. Why would she? You are a scourge on the face of vampire kind and a sorry excuse for a man! If it was not for my Bondeds plans for tonight, I would restrain you in chains and torture you till dawn, for touching what is MINE! But I have a feeling, what my Lover has planned for you, will torment you much more than any physical torture ever could.” Eric looks menacingly at Bill, inches from his face, with danger emanating out of his every pore. I see Bill shake slightly with fright. If he was human, I am sure he would have pissed his pants.
Eric growls menacingly in Bill face, throws him to the floor, like day old trash.
“As your Sheriff, I order you not to leave tonight until you have my permission to do so. You will not under any circumstances touch my Bonded! If you do, I will remove the offending body part. Is that understood, underling?”
“Yes, Sheriff.” Bill says looking properly chastised.
“Good. Now off with you, return to your booth and remain there till summoned.” Bill scurries off like a dog with its tail between its legs.
Serves Bill right! I notice a nice big black and blue starting to show on my wrist. Well at least it should heal quickly with all of Eric’s blood I had last night.
Eric gently takes my hand, lifting my arm inspecting it for damage. Upon seeing the bruises Bill caused, he releases a menacing growl, looking in Bills direction. Bill shrinks into his seat. Then Eric pierces his tongue on his fang, bring a few drops of his blood to the surface, before licking the imprint of Bills fingers on my wrist. I slowly feel the pain ebb and the bruises start to disappear.
Eric kisses my wrist, looking up at me for approval of his doctoring technique. I nod and smile at him. Satisfied I am healed, we walk over his booth.
“Harold!” I say with a slight bounce of excitement, as we approach Eric’s booth.
“Sookie! It is so good to see you… I see the virus showed up tonight.” He motions towards Bill, who is sulking in his booth.
“Yes, he doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone.”
“Too bad Norton Anti virus doesn’t work on the likes of him.”
“I wish it did. But I have something much better. Northman the Viking seems to work just fine.” I smile over at Eric. He looks amused at my comment.
“But we can always hope our little project will do the trick. If not at least it will be a lot of fun!” I smile.
“We can only hope. I know if a girl did this to me, I certainly would never talk to her again. But of course Bill is one card short of a full deck.” Harold says with a smirk.
I smirk right back.
We slide into Eric’s booth, with Eric’s arm wrapped around my shoulder and Harold sitting across from us. Pam is standing a few feet from our table, still taping us with the camcorder. The bar resumes their normal activities as soon as we sit down and started talking to Harold.
“So Sookie, where should I set up?”
I look over too Eric.
“A large screen Tv, micro phone and a table has been acquired for your use and placed on the stage. Proceed with your setup. I am looking forward to see what the two of you have planned for the likes of Compton.”
Harold nods at Eric, gets up and carries a few large boxes onto the stage. He sets up his laptop on the table and plugs it into the TV, using a USB cable. Then he walks over to me, handing me a wrapped gift and a box. Then Smirks and walks back to the stage to finish setting up.
Eric motions to the gift in my hand and the box.
“Oh just a few little gifts for Bill to remember me by. I ask Harold to pick it up for me when it was ready today, since the place was near his job.” I say with a smirk.
Eric nods. Still looking at the gift with an inquisitive look.
“Ok, Sookie we are all set up and ready to go when you are.”
“Wish me luck Baby!” I say giving Eric a peak on the cheek before jumping up and practically bouncing on to the stage, grabbing the mic.” I motion to the DJ to cut the music. Bill is sitting in a booth in the corner, sulking over a True blood and giving Eric the evil eye.
When the music stops everyone in the club looks around. The spot light comes on and shines down on me.
“Hello, can I have your attention please.” There are mummers around the club, wondering who I am, from the ones who were not here last night.
“For those that don’t already know who I am, I am Sookie Stackhouse. The former girlfriend of the sad excuse for a Vampire sitting over there, Mr. Bill Compton.”
“Before I show you the project Harold and I have been working on, I would like to give an award to Bill. Bill please step forward.”
Bill looks to Eric for approval, before he walks up to the stage with a look of triumph on his face. I see Pam using the Zoom button on the camcorder and jocking to get the best possible angle of Bill’s face.
“Here Bill, this is for you.” I say with an evil smirk of my own. Bill is looking a little too pleased with himself. Well he won’t be feeling that way for long.
He takes both items. He opens the box, seeing a small laminated business card and Tee shirt. He holds up the Tee shirt, to read it. He scowls at the words.
It says “Kicked to the Curb” and on the back has our Breakup date. Bill looks at the shirt with anger, throwing it down on the floor and kicking it aside. Everyone in the club is now laughing at Bill.
Then he sees the card. The card says “You are now a card carrying member of the national “I been kicked to the curb club!”” Bill takes the card and rips it into a million pieces, then throws them to the ground. He growls at me. I laugh. The Fangbangers are laughing so hard, they look like they need air. I see Eric inch closer to the stage, just in case Bill loses his temper.
“Aren’t you going to open your last gift Bill?” I say with my most innocent expression on my face.
Bill looks down at the gift, as if he is afraid of what it contains.
“Is the Big Bad Vampire afraid of a little wrapping paper?” I say mocking him and challenging him at the same time, in order to get him to open the final item. Saying to a Vampire that he is afraid of something, is equivalent to saying “I Triple dog, Double dare you” to a human.
Bill unwraps the box slowly, looking afraid of what he might find. Once the box is open, he is looksing at a framed Certificate and plaque with with his name on it in confusion.
“Congratulations Bill on being the 1st Certificated member of the “I have been kick to the curb by Sookie Stackhouse club!” I clap. The humans are cheering and clapping as well as laughing. I even think I see some Vampires smirking.
“Bill Compton you also get this commemorative wall plaque to commemorate the occasion. Hopefully this will help to jog your memory, that I broke up with your sorry, lying, cheating, loser ass over 3 months ago. See I even had it enscribed with our official break up date, along with the itemized list of all the reasons I broke up with you. ”
Bill looks pissed and growls at me. Eric moves to stand behind me, giving Bill menacing looks over my shoulder.
“You are Mine Sookah!”
“No I am not! But feel free to resubmit you request in writing, for further rejection. This way I can post your requests on my My Space page and send it to Fang magazine.”
Bill growls at me again, with his fangs down. Really, all this growling is getting quite old.
He throws down the plaque with such force it splits to pieces. But luckily I have an extra plaque for him as back up, that I will give to him in front of the Queen. Not to mention Pam was taping the whole incident and quite a few Fangbangers and Vamps took pictures with their camera phones. I am sure it will be all over Youtube, before the night is over.
“You are still mine! The Magister will award you to me! You belong to me.”
“I belong to no one, least of all you! And I seriously doubt the Magister will ignore the fact that I broke up with your sorry, nasty ass over 3 months ago. Not to mention I am now bonded to Eric. Besides if the Magister tried to force me to go back too you, I would simply stake you. Then all my problems would be solved. No more sulking, stalker ex-boyfriend to annoy me.” Suck on that, why don’t you!
Bill looks shocked that I would even consider staking him.
“Now on with the show.” Bill stomps off the stage and back to his booth. Eric kisses my forehead, then shakes his head at my antics and heads back to his booth, for the show.
“This is my friend Harold. Harold and I have been working on a new Computer program, which I think you will love just as much as I do!” I announce over the mic.
“Have you ever had an ex boyfriend, that no matter how many times or how many different ways you tell him that it over, he still can’t get it through his thick head? Making you wish you could ripping off his arm and beat him with it? Or maybe you dream of staking him, so he would finally leave you alone? But you find it morally wrong to actually do so. Or maybe you just hate Bill Compton as much as I do and wish to practice killing him to find the perfect technique to send him to his final death?”
“Well then, I have the perfect product for you! Introducing “The Ex Boyfriend Annihilator, Bill Compton Addition!”” Ooos are heard from the audience as the lights go out. Then the intro music starts to play. (Dunn, dunn, Dunn, DUNTAAAA)
The name of the game flashes on the screen, showing Bill in the cross hairs of a rifle scope.
“This game comes preloaded with a digital version of Bill Compton, along with his voice algorithms.” I used voice recordings from Bill’s messages he left on my answer machine, to program his voice in the game.
“And for the record Bill, the phone messages I used for the game are now my property since you knew you were being recorded and left messages anyway. As far as your image goes, I am sure your Sheriff and Queen would be unhappy to lose out on the revenue this game will create, due to any legal actions you might about using your an image in you likeness.” Bill growls. He knows he can not fight this game, with the proceeds going to his Sheriff and Queen. It would just anger them, causing him to endure a painful punishment.
I select a new game. The Tv screen comes to life, showing the video game character of Bill Compton on the screen, pleading with the hero of the game. Me.
“SOOKAH! I love you! I only lied to you because the Queen made me! I had too! The Queen ordered me too! I had no choice! I love you Sookie! You have to believe me!” Screams the video game Bill Compton from the screen, looking utterly pathetic.
“Once you are tired of hearing Bill’s sorry excuses, you go over to this menu, then click on what you want to happen to Bill.” I show the drop down menu, that has a list of categories and sub categories, for the different types of torture, in alphabetical order.
“Oh, this one is one of my favorites.” I click on hand grandee, then select in the mouth.
The game shows the Hero character shoving a hand grenade, without the pin, into Bill’s mouth. Followed by the hero saying “Suck on that Bill Compton!” I few seconds later Bill tries to blame the Queen for his actions again and the hand grenade goes off, leaving a nice big pile of Bill Compton goo on the floor.
The Words Final death achieved! Flash on the screen with an instant replay in slow motion, from 3 different view points.
“Almost telling me the truth does not count Bill. You know my grandmother always used to say that “Amost only counts with horse shoes and hand grenades.”
I hear laughter throughout the club.
There are hoots and hollers of approval, followed by clapping, from all over the bar. Eric looks at me with pride.
I reset the game.
“There is also a section on Mid evil torture devices, as well as swords and other hand weapons.” I choose the stretching table from the list.
“You get extra points for torturing him, without sending him to his final death. The more he screams and bleeds while continuing to remain undead, the more points you score. You can upload your top scores to our website. The top scorer each month wins a Free Tee shirt and at the end of the year, we will have a competition with the top 12 players to win a “I Annihilated Bill” Car.”
The Hero straps Bill to a table, then turns a crank to slowly stretch him. Video Bill screams out bloody murder, as his body is slowly stretched and his ligaments start to rip and snap slowly one by one. Bill starts screaming again, about how he didn’t want to sleep with his maker, but he had too because she was his maker and could order him to do so.
“There is also a full section of kitchen appliances and gadgets. For example an electric carving knife.” I click on the knife, then select the body part I wish to cut off. I select cutting of his sad excuse for dick.
The screen shows the Hero doing just that.
“It would be kind a hard to cheat without a dick, isn’t it Bill? Then I can select the Blender and the Hero throws Bill’s itsy bitsy dick inside. I have the character add a little True blood to the mix, then put on the top, pushing a button to blend it up.” Everyone turns around looking at Bill.
Bill looks absolutely green. I don’t think I have ever seen a vampire turn that color before.
“Then I can select the funnel and where I want it to go.” The Hero shoves a silver funnel coating in plastic down Bills throat and straps it to his head, then pours the contents from the blender down it. I hear Bill throwing up his True blood in the corner. Pam and Eric laugh there ass off at Bill, while Pam whipps out her iphone to tape his reaction, while still using the camcorder to tape the show.
“There are also manual tools, as well as power tools.” I choose a mallet and the Hero smashes all Bill’s joints just like in Kathy Bates in the movie “Misery”.” Video game Bill screams and begs, while professing to it being all the Queen’s fault.
“We recently updated the program with some Sci Fi and fiction options.” I go down to Sci Fi on the list.
“Well Bill since you always love Star Trek so much, I thought it would be fitting to turn you into a Borg drone.” I select Borg drone from the list.
Video Bill is magically transformed into a Borg.
“I am Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.” Video Bill drudges on.
“I am 4,986 of 400,000 of Alcove 9.” Bill states in a dead monotone Borg voice.
“See, now you are the Queen Borgs little bitch!” I laugh! Video Bill is walking around completely unaware, carrying out mundane tasks for the Borg Queen.
“And he is so not cool enough, for kick ass Borg name like 7 of 9!” You then see Bill get shot finally dead by an attacking Alien space vessal, when the cube takes a direct hit.” It shows a Final death replay before I reset the game again.
“And these are my favorites Children’s Fiction humiliations. From Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory, The Ooma Loompa’s of the Lolly Pop guild.”
I select the Oompa Loompa option on the screen. Video Bill suddenly shrinks in size and has orange skin and ugly green hair. He starts to sing the Oompa Loompa’s song on greed. While bending at the knees going up and down doing the little dance. The TV shows a split screen. On one side is the original Oompa Loopa’s singing and dancing. On the other side shows Bill. Just for comparison purposes.
“Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do, I have a perfect puzzle for you, Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dee, If you are wise, you’ll listen to me What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? Eating as much as an elephant eats, What are you at getting terribly fat? What do you think will come of that? I don’t like the look of it, Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-da, If you’re not greedy, you will go far, You will live in happiness too, Like the Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do!”
“You get extra points for humiliation.” I see Vampires in the club laughing so hard, they are bent over laughing with blood tears coming out of their eyes.
Then I select Kermit the Frog from Sesame Street. Video Bill turns completely green, bald and gets buggy eyes. He starts to sing the song “Its not easy being green”. The screen once again shows a split screen, with Bill and Kermit the frog side by side singing.
It’s not that easy being green; Having to spend each day the color of the leaves. When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold… or something much more colorful like that. It’s not easy being green. It seems you blend in with so many other ord’nary things. And people tend to pass you over ’cause you’re not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water or stars in the sky. But green’s the color of Spring. And green can be cool and friendly-like. And green can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain, or tall like a tree. When green is all there is to be It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why? Wonder, I am green and it’ll do fine, it’s beautiful! And I think it’s what I want to be.
Just when Kermit finishes singing Miss Piggy comes in and starts to hit and kick Kermit. Then she starts talking trash. On Bills side of the screen, Miss Piggy comes in, doing the same as the other Ms Piggy, but has the face of Lorena, Bills bitch ho of a maker.
You can hear the laughter of everyone in the club. Bill looks like he is fixing to blow a head gasket.
“There are other options such as running over him with a tank, while he runs away screaming like a girl.” I hear Oohs and Awes through out the club.
“You can even drop an atomic bomb on him, shoot him with an AK 47, have him attacked by a street gang or have his house dive bombed by army jets, while he watches!” I click though the options showing them all on the screen.
“For only $59.95 per month, you can join our Member only club. As a member you will receive for FREE our expansion set, a $150.00 dollar value. It includes a “I Annihilated Bill” tee shirt, as a Free gift! This expansion set enables you to design yourself into the game as the hero. You can also use it to design characters, so you can put anyone else into the game you wish to torture. If there is a torture or killing technique you would like to see added to the game, simply submit your request to our designers. Our designs team will confer with you on its design, before adding it to the game. Your name will go out in the monthly news letter for the idea and you will get 2 free tickets, game challenge tournament, with our top scorers.” I show them the link to join the monthly membership club.
“This game is also available for the Wii, Xbox 360 and Playstation 2 gaming consoles.”
“You too, can get a copy of this ground breaking game for only $89.95 plus shipping and handling.”
Bill leaves, I hear him mumble that this is not the last I will hear about this.
People start to rush the stage with their money in hand, pushing each other out of the way, trying to purchase the game first! Harold and I look at each other and laugh. We both thought this game would be a great success!
We sell every single one we have with us, three cases full. I have to inform the disappointed crowd, that we are out of product and that more games will be delivered tomorrow and will be avaiable at Fangtasia’s gift shop for purchase.
Eric comes up behind me, wrapping an arm around me. He nods at Harold in approval.
“Lover, you are full of surprises. A video game where you get to repeatly kill Bill! Oh it is priceless Lover! Only you would think of such a thing!”
“Sookie, my dear friend, that was the best presentation I have ever seen. Did you see Bills face? I can’t wait to post this video on Vampire utube! We are going to have record sales tomorrow, all because of this game! I bet we will have orders from all over the world. Bill in not respected in any Vampire circles. Maybe you can mention this game when you do your interview with Fang magazine? Maybe we should set up a website to sell the game online? … How did you two even come up with the idea?”
“Oh, Harold and I were talking one night after our book club. He told me how owns his own video game company and is a designer as well. I told him all about Bill and instant presto we have “The Ex Boyfriend Annihilator, Bill Compton addition!”
We all laugh.
Thaila approaches us, with a bow to Eric, then Pam. She looks at me and bows again.
“Master, I would like to purchase a copy.”
“I believe my Lover sold them all. Didn’t you my Love?”
“Actually, I had Harold keep 10 copies in his car, for the Vamps on duty tonight. Let me ask him to get them for me.” I walk over to Harold. After speaking to him, he runs out to the car get them.
Once he returns, he hands one to Thaila. She looks pleased and nods in respect and takes off with out a word.
“Do I get a copy as well. I would love nothing more, than to practice sending Bill repeatedly to his final death.”
“Of course Pam.” I hand one to Pam, then one to Eric. They both look as giddy as a kid on Christmas morning.
Eric makes a motion with his hands summoning the remaining Vampires in the bar to come before him.
I hand each vampire a copy and they all bow to me, with wide smiles on their faces.
“Pam I don’t think I formally introduced you to Harold. Pam this is Harold from my Book club. Harold this is my friend Pam and Eric’s Child.”
Pam nods at Harold.
“Nice to meet you Pam.” Harold says, noticing that Vamps don’t shake hands.
“Pam, I was wondering if you would be willing to help me out? I am giving Harold a full makeover, to help him get the attention of this girl named Sarah, from our book club. Harold wants to ask her out. But she never pays him any attention. So we are hoping a makeover will do the trick. I know how much you love shopping so we could use your expertise on this.”
“Oh I would love to Sookie. This is like getting my own life sized, nerd Ken doll to dress up! Harold, you will without a doubt, have that girls full attention when I am through with you! And if not, you will look so dashing, that there will be a line around the block just waiting to date you.”
“Uh, Thanks Pam.” Harold blushes.
“I will call you tomorrow Harold. Thanks so much for all your help! You’re the best!”
“Night Sook, talk to you later. Pam, Eric.” Harold says with a nod to the Vamps. Then he gathers his stuff and heads home for the night.
“Lover, if that is all, let us take our leave. We need to pack and I still owe you for earlier in my office.” Eric gives me his most smoldering look.
“Of course my Viking, I am ready when you are.” I say in my most seductive voice, implying a double meaning.
Eric growls at me and throws me over his shoulder, carrying me out of the club, while clutching his game in his other hand. I see Pam shaking her head at us.