Jason looks at me one more time, before taking off like a bat out of hell.
A hush falls over everyone.
“That certainly was interesting. Now, let us proceed with the case. William T Compton has brought up charges against Sheriff Eric Northman of Area 5, for stealing his human. Is this correct Compton.”
“Yes, Magister. She was mine and he took her from me.” Bill whines.
“The Sheriff and the human in question, state that she broke up with you over 6 months ago. Is that correct.”
“We had a fight 6 months ago. She said she no longer wished to see me. But she would have taken me back if it was not for the Sheriff.” He says Sheriff with a sneer.
“Is that true Sheriff?”
“No Magister. My Bonded and I have only been together a few nights. After Bill trespasses against her, she fled the area for a while to escape him. Months later she returned. She came to my club to visit with me and my child. This is when we got together and days later bonded. She had no intentions of ever returning to him, which I can prove with the evidence on this video.”
“Bonded!” the Queen yells out, as if she did not hear it the last time Eric said it.
“Yes, your Majesty. Sookie and I bonded a few nights ago. I explained to her what it means to bond and asked her to bond with me. She accepted and we have since bonded.”
“Let me see the evidence you have Sheriff.” The Magister waves off this information as if it is nothing.
Eric walks up to large 50 inch flat screen TV on the wall and plugs his phone to it. He loads the video of the night I gave Bill the list of the reasons why I broke up with him and sang him three songs. All the vampires in the room watch in fascination. They are laughing at him, some crying blood tears from hearing the list. Some look like they are going to fall over, when I am singing Fuck you by Eamon to him. Every time I call him a hoe the laughter gets louder. Even the Queen and the Magister are laughing at him.
When the video concludes, Eric takes the thumb drive and plugs it into his phone and plays the phone messages, that Bill left on my answering machine.
“Magister, what I am about to play are some of the messages Compton left on my bonded answering machine over the past 6 months.”
It starts to play.
“Sookah! I love you Sookah! I know I lied to you! But I had to! The Queen ordered me too! I had to! I had no choice Sookah! It was for your own protection! It was all the Queens fault! You have to know I love you Sookah! Blah, blah , blah.”
Eric plays 5 messages that all basically say the same thing, before the Magister motions for him to turn it off. The Queen looks pissed.
“Mr. Compton, you seek to waste this courts time. It is quite clear to all here, that the human in question was not yours at the time, she came to belong to your Sheriff.”
“But Magister Sookah is Mine. She has had my blood.”
“Is this true, has she had his blood?”
Eric motions it ok for me to speak.
“Yes Magister, that is true. However Bill is leaving out some important facts. On the first night I met Bill, he arranged for two V addicts to drain him in the parking lot of where I work. I saved his undead life, from them. Then the following night, as a reward for saving his dumb ass, he glamoured them into beating me with in an inch of my life! Just so he could force his blood into me, when I was unconscious. So he blood raped me, in my option.
Then later, when I asked him what his blood would do to me, he lied. Luckily, I came to find out the truth later. I had no interest in Bill, what so ever, before having his blood. I thought of him only as a neighbor and possible friend, being the only other supernatural outcasts in town. Our whole relationship was built on lies. I was a virgin at the time and he took my maiden head under false pretenses. Not to mention, that my Gran was murdered by a serial killer because I was dating Bill Compton. Then not long after that he cheated on me.”
“But Sookah! I had too! I was following the Queens orders! I had no choice! I had to sleep with Lorena! You must believe me!”
“Can it, Hairy and the Henderson’s! I don’t want to hear it! I will never take you back! And if for some reason crazy reason, the Magister agrees with you, I will stake you stupid ass and then you will no longer be my problem!”
“But Sookah! You are mine!”
“Or maybe I will cut off your arms and legs and keep you tied up in the basement. It will be hard for you to follow me with out them. Maybe I should remove your voice box. Then I would not be force to listen to you annoying voice anymore. Or I cut off your dick too. Yes, then you won’t be able to force yourself on me. Because that is the only way I would ever sleep with you and your nasty ass small dick!”
“My dick is not small! My maker loved the size of my dick and said it was just perfect!” He whips it out. Showing it to the entire room. Everyone is laughing now.
“Seriously Bill! Do you need a microscope and some twisters to put that thing away. It is so small it looks like you never even went through puberty.” I see tears running down every ones faces.
“You always seemed to enjoy it Sookah.” Bill says as if it is something to be proud of. During this time he some how manages to find his dick and put it away with out the help of tools.
“That is called faking an orgasm Bill! I didn’t want to put up with having you on top of me, make’n those ridiculous faces and noises any longer then I had too!”
“You, you did not fake it! It was real!”
“Want to bet!” Taking a page from the movie “When Harry meet Sally” with Meg Ryan, I fake an orgasm.
Without changing my bored expression I say.
“Oh God Bill, right there! Yeah! That’s it! OOOOOOH!” I hear fangs snap down around the room.
“It was real! You would not fake it!”
“Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that Bill!”
Bill growls at me. Eric and Pam are laughing so hard they have tears running down their faces.
“How could you not tell she was faking it Bill, did you not realize her walls where not clenching you?” Eric laughs out.
“You are Mine Sookie!”
“For the last time I am not yours! Harold do you have those papers I asked you to type up?”
Harold comes forward with a large box and Laf pulls a table over to set it up on.
“Since you seem to lost the ability to comprehend the English language, I took the liberty of having the itemize list of why I broke up with you translated in to different languages. Maybe this will make you understand it!”
“Here is a copy of the list in Catalanize, Chinese, Croatian, Danish, Finnish, French, Greek, Korean, Japanese, Latin, Norwegian, Swedish, Portuguese, Romanian, Russian, Spanish and finally Swahili.” I slam down a packet of papers with the list in each language was I call them out.
“Swahili!” Laughs out the Magister.
“And if that doesn’t help, I took the liberty of contacting some of your favoriate artists, the Tuvan throat singers.” Harold hooks up his lap top to the tv and plays a video.
The video starts and the Tuvan throat singers, sing out my list in that annoying throaty voice.
“Bill I can’t believe you listen to this crap.” Pam yells out.
“It is a cultured taste. You should expanded your horizons”
“Cultured my ass” Pam says sarcastically.
After taking a few minutes to compose himself the Magister gets back to the task at hand.
“Throat singing. That is a first for me during court. Your bonded is a feisty one, isn’t she Sheriff. I can see why you choose her, she is very entertaining. It is hard to find, after so many years wander this earth.”
“Yes indeed she is and I would not have her any other way.” Eric responds in a proud manner.