I am sitting in Fangtasia with Eric and Pam in Eric’s booth.
After my little vacation to the fairy realm and hiding out from Bill for the past 3 months, I was in desperate need of a night out. I also realized that I kind of missed seeing Eric. Oh my God, did I just admit that to my self? After what happened with Godric on the roof and the way Eric kissed me in his office, I am starting to see him in a new light. Not to mention, that he ordered Bill into finally confessing his hidden agenda to me. Then add a heaping side of steamy Eric sex dreams. Wooh Mama!
Eric has lied to me on occasion, but he always comes clean with me, in the end. When I ask him for the truth and he tells me as much as he can. While Bill on the other hand, would only admit to his wrong doings, when he had no choice but to confess. The he would still tell me as little as possible. That is one huge difference between Eric and Bill.
Pam is chatting me up about this weeks Dear Abby Column, while Eric scans the crowd. When low and behold, who walks in but my own personal nightmare, Bill Compton.
Pam and Eric’s bodies stiffen up in their seats, looking as if they are read to leap into battle in a seconds notice. They both look at Bill with a menacing glare. I roll my eyes in annoyance, at Bills unwanted intrusion.
“What are you doing here SookAh?”
“Where I am and why, is none of your business, Bill Compton! I am no longer yours! You are not my keeper! I am a grown ass woman and I do not need your permission to go out for the night!”
“Sookah, if you just let me explain! If you would just listen, you would understand!”
“I understand perfectly well, Sir Whinealot! I don’t care to listen to your sad excuses and your incessant whining any more! What part of WE ARE OVER do you not understand! We are DONE, FINISHED, Finito!”
“But Sookah, You don’t understand! I had to because of the…”
“Listen up Ass Wipe! Stop following me, Stop stalking me at work, Stop sulking in my yard, Stop banging on my door all hours of the night, Stop hounding me on the phone and filling my answering machine up with your ridiculous excuses! Because that is all they are, sad, ridiculous excuses! You have explained enough! It does not Change A Thing. You had me beaten into an inch of my life, just so you could trick me into drinking your blood! Even after I saved your sorry, undead ass from 2 drainers! And how do you repay my kindness? You have me beaten into an inch of my life! You lied to me over and over. And when I give you a chance to come clean with me, you tell me every time, that is everything you were keeping from me. Only to I find out later there is more! NO! NO! NO! We are finished and there is not a thing you can say or do to make me take you back! You could go float on a log for all I care!”
All the vamps and humans are dead silent, looking back and forth between us, as if watching a tennis match.
“But Sookah, I love you! I was under orders from the Queen!”
“Try using that thing that is taking up space between your two ears, called a brain and hear the words coming out of my mouth! We are over! I don’t care what your sad excuses are! You love me! You don’t know what love is!”
“Pam, Do you have a laptop available so you could type up a list for me?”
“Yes, in my office.” Pam gives me a smirk, wondering what I am up too.
“Could you get it for me?”
In a flash, Pam is off and back holding her Laptop.
“I want to make a list. I can’t type very fast, could you type it for me Pam?”
Pam nods. “What is the List about?”
“I want to make a list called “The Reasons why I kicked Bill Compton to the curb”.”
Pam smirks and looks almost joyous at her task.
“Go ahead Sookie, I have word opened and the Title typed out.”
“Item one: Lies and lies of omission. Could you put some bullets under that for sub categories?”
“Yes, that should not be a problem. Item one lies and lies of omission. What do you want under the bullets?”
“Bullet one. Lied to me, by not telling me the truth, as to why he came to Bon Tomps.”
“But I was under orders from the Queen! I was not allowed to tell you Sookah!” Bill whines.
“That is just a sorry excuse Bill! Our whole relationship was based upon a lie!” Pam and Eric chuckle.
“Bullet Two: Took my virginity under false pretenses.”
“I already told you, I had to because of orders from the Queen”
“And that just makes it magically ok in your book! To lie to me and pretend you love me to take my virginity! You took something from me, that I can never get back!”
Bill mumbles to himself and kicks at the ground, like a spoiled child.
” Bullet Three: Lied to me about what his blood would do to me.”
“I told you it would give you more strength, increase you senses, as well as your sex drive.” Bill states.
“Yes, you did. But you never told me it would make me have sexual feelings towards you! I only thought of you as a friend, before I had your blood! I though, I developed feelings for you because you saved me. But no, it was only the blood!”
“Well no, I didn’t tell you. But I could not tell you because of the Queen!”
“Once again the Queen! The Queen this, the Queen that! Can’t you come up with a new excuse! I am sick tired of hearing about the Queen!”
“Bullet four: Lied to me about killing my Uncle, until I confronted him about it.”
“But he molested you Sookah! He deserved to die!”
“Did it cross you mind, to talk to me about what I wanted? He did me wrong, he did nothing to you! No! Of course not! You did not seek my option at all! I did not want him dead! I might have liked to seen him punish, a little bit, in my own way. Maybe even had him glamoured into admiting his crimes to the police and have him sent to jail. But I would never want him dead because of me! Wither he molested me or not! And just now, you announce my personal business to all of Fangtasia! I never wanted my dirty laundry yelled out in front of a bunch of strangers! Once again, you don’t care about my needs and feelings! Please add that to the list Pam.”
Pam and Eric growl at Bill for yelling out in the middle of Fangtasia, about my Uncle. Pam adds it to the list.
“Bullet 6: Lied to me about Jessica. You did not tell me, that your punishment for saving me, was to make a new vampire. I am willing to bet, that you would have never told me about it either. The only reason I found out at all, is because Eric and Pam dropped her off at your house.”
“That was not a lie. That was an omission. I didn’t feel you needed to know.”
“See and that is why I will never take you aback. You didn’t think I should know, that your punishment for saving my life, was to make a child? I don’t even….. Never mind, it is pointless to have this argument with you again!”
“Item Two: Bill is a cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You had sex with your Maker while you were still with me!”
“I had to, she is my maker. She can order me to have sex with her!”
“Yes, I heard you say she CAN order you to have sex with her, but did she actually order you to do so?”
“No, but she is my Maker! I had to!”
“So she did not order you to and you still had sex with her of your own free will.”
“Well that is cheating! You just admitted that she did not order you too! You could have said no! You did not even tell me, that your Maker could order you to do something like that, until you needed to use it as an excuse!”
“Well I had no reason to tell you! I didn’t think she would show up again, let alone kidnap me!”
“That once again, that is why I am not with you! You did not think I needed to know, something that could directly affect me!”
“Item Three: Had me beaten up, so he could force his blood on me.”
“I had to! The Queen ordered me to start a blood bond with you, since you could not be glamoured! It was the only way to get it done! I had no choice!”
“You always have a choice! Stop throwing all the blame on the Queen. You could have added blood to my drink or asked me to drink from you because you like it or came up with something else that would not hurt me! But no, instead you had me beaten within an inch of my life, on purpose! After I saved your sorry undead ass the night before! That is unforgivable!”
“But I had to Sookah!” Bill says running both his hands up and down his face, looking at me with a tired expression.
“Item 4: You belittle me and treat me as if I am slow. I am not slow or crazy! I am a telepath, for goodness sake! It has kept me from doing and experiencing normal things in life, which in turn has left me slightly naive and inexperienced. What do you expect! I grew up with only a few friends, never went to parties, almost never went on dates, didn’t have any boyfriends, due to my supposed “Gift”. I could not even enjoy going to Prom! But does that make me stupid or crazy! NO!”
“Sookah, I never said that you were stupid or crazy!”
“No, but you treated me that way! You treated me as if, it was impossible for me to string two thoughts together, without your help! Actions speak louder than works!”
“No Sookah, that’s not true!”
“You mouth says one thing, but the way you treat me say another!” I roll my eyes at him.
“Item 5: You attacked me and almost drained me dry! And you did this to me after I rescued, your sorry excuse for a vampire ass, from your bitch of a Maker. She was tortureing you and planning to stake you! For God’s sake and I saved your undead life. And this was how you repaid me for my kindness!”
“I did not mean to attack you, Sookah! I was crazy with bloodlust from being tortured!”
“Whatever Dingle wad! I no longer care to hear your sorry excuses!” I stare Bill down.
“Dingle wad? Master, have you hear thid term before?” Pam says looking deep in thought.
“No, I have not.” Eric says, continuing to watch the show playing out before him.
“Item 6: After Months of Dating, you still can not properly pronounce my name! My name is Sookie not, “Sookah”!” I say doing my best Bill impression.
“Sookah, I know you name! How could you think I don’t know it?”
After typing up Item 6, Pam opens a new window, using Internet Explorer to do a Google search on what a dingle wad is.
She finds a definition on The Urban dictionary website.
Pam reads the definition out loud. “Kind of like a dingle berrie but a wad”
Then Pam looks up dingle berrie.
Pam reads it out loud. “A Big ball of shit, hanging down from your ass hair!”
Eric and Pam laugh out loud at the Bill being referred to as such, while looking equally disgusted by the definition.
“Item 7: You tried to kill Eric and Pam!”
“I did it to protect you Sookah! They could use your heritage against you!”
“Oh, you mean, the way you used it against me? I never wanted Eric and Pam dead! You Shit for brains! You only tried to kill them so, I would never find out the truth about you! Not to protect me!”
Bill just stands there with his mouth open, speechless, unable to come up with something to say in response.
“Item 8: You refuse to leave me alone! You follow me around, stalking me, yelling your sad excuses at me, like that is suppose to make everything ok! What you think, that if you say it enough times, I will suddenly agree with you and say “Oh Bill I am so sorry I kick you for the curb for lying to me, cheating on me and using me! I miss you so much, please take me back!” I say blinking my eyes in an overly exaggerated manner, giving him my most pleading look.
“What type of Girl do you take me for!”
“Yes of course. Why wouldn’t you take me back? I am good looking vamp, with above average bedding skills and a Southern Gentleman. I am a perfect match for you, once you forgive my past indiscretions.”
“What you did is unforgivable Ass-tard. I will never forgive you! Pam, could you print a copy of that list for me and to give to my loser ex-boyfriend Bill here?”
Pam prints a copy and hands it to Bill, with a smile on her face. Then she slightly modifies it, removing the stuff about Sookies Uncle, so she can post it on her Myspace page and email it to all the vamps in Area 5.
Bill looks over the list, then looks up at me.
“But I still love you Sookie, everything I did under orders of the Queen.”
“I still do not seem to be getting through to you. Perhaps it is time for a different plan of action.” I say with an evil smirk on my face. Eric and Pam look intrigued. I still have the bars undivided attention.