Archive | March 2013

Chapter 1 – You

These characters are not mine. They belong to HBO and Charlaine Harris. I am only borrowing and playing them. I can’t wait for the new season and the new book, so I am filling my time writing this! I am a broke stay at home Mom, so please do not sue me! _________________________________________________________________________________________________

This takes place after Bill disappears on the last episode of True Blood. Bill proposes to Sookie and she is so shocked by Bill’s proposal that she runs to the bathroom with the ring. While Sookie is in the bathroom, Bill is kidnapped from their table. This is where the story picks up from.



Chapter 1:

I find myself hiding in the bathroom, regretting my decision to run from the room after Bills proposal. What am I doing, hiding in the bathroom for God sake? Bill proposed to me and my answer is to run out of the room, as if the room was on fire. Sookie! You should be ashamed of yourself! He proposed! The man you love proposed to you and this is how you react? Why would you do that?

Well maybe, I ran because I was so terribly shocked by his proposal. I mean I never even really though about us getting married. Our relationship was still so new. I was just so happy I found someone I could date and touch without hearing their every thought. So I felt it wasn’t time to let my mind run amuck about such things. So maybe that is why it freaked me out so much? I mean normally couples wait at least a year before even thinking about marriage and here he is proposing to me.

But we are not a normal couple. We never have been and never will be. For goodness sake,  he is a vampire, proposing to a telepath. The train for normal left a long time ago…. Besides, I love this man… this vampire and he loves me! It is completely natural for a relationship to progress to marriage, even if it is a bit odd for it to be happening so fast. Why did I react this way? What is wrong with me? I need to get myself together, put on my big girl panties. I am going to march out there and give him an answer, like the lady I was raised to be. I need to stop acting like childish chicken shit.

I look at my self in the mirror. Staring in to my own eyes, as if searching for an answer. After one last look, I spin away from the sink, on a mission. I take one last stop in front of the bathroom door and take a deep breath to center myself.

Ok here we go.

I pull open the bathroom door, with a smile on my face and head back to our table. I was ready to jump into Bills arms and yell out my answer. (Yes, of course I will marry you!) But instead I was meet with a scene that stopped dead in my tracks. The words on my tongue, died straight in my mouth.

I find myself standing alone in an eerily quiet and empty. Bill is not at our table or even anywhere in the room. Where did he go? Did he decide to leave? Did I humiliated him by my running from the room?

I look around at the destruction. What happened to this room? Did Bill destroy it in a fit of rage?

No. It looks to me like a fight had taken place. I take in the broken chairs, knocked over plants and our table laying on its side. What was left of my dinner is scattered all over the floor.  Then I notice the smell of burning Vampire flesh and it catches in my throat, bring tears to my eyes. Blinking back the tears, I take an even closer look at around the room. I stand there for a moment in a state of complete and utter shock. Trying to come to a conclusion of what could have happened in the mere minutes that I was gone.

What happened to Bill? Where is he? Did someone take him? If so who and why would someone do this to him?

I notice a large hole in the door frame leading out of the room. Yes, a struggle definitely happened here. I run down the hall, yelling Bill’s name at the top of my lungs. My panicked breath catches in my throat, as I realized that who ever took Bill could still be here. Running around yelling like an idiot would give me away and alert them to my presence.

Quietly ,with soft slow steps, I walk down the hall. It looks like a hurricane had swept through the hallway and entry room. I stumble, clumsily in my high heels, over the debris that used to be the hostess stand, to the front door.  I look out the door and don’t see anything out-of-place, that would give me a clue. I start to taking in the room I am in, looking for something, anything that would help me understand what happen. I suddenly come to the realiztion that I have not seen or heard a soul, since I left Bill sitting at the table.

I start to walk to the kitchen, figureing that was likly where the kitchen staff would choose to hide, when everything went down.  I lower my shields trying to feeling for minds and voids, looking for the kitchen staff or really anyone in the building. Nothing… Are they still here? Did they run scared out the building to safety, leaving me all alone?

I cautiously peer through the double swinging kitchen doors, not knowing what I was going to find. I see the hostess, waitress and kitchen staff lying in a heap on the floor. They look like broken dolls, with their heads laying at weird, unnatural angles. I scream out in horror and start to hyperventilate.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! There are 3 dead people on the floor and it looks like Bill was kidnapped. I back myself out of the kitchen, to the safty of the waiting area, until I hit a wall and slide down it to the floor.  I cry hysterically. What do I do? What do I do? I feel my body start to shake in shock.

Why couldn’t I have just answered him? Then I would have been in the room when this happened and maybe I could have even saved him and everyone else. What am I going to do now? I look down to the lovely, diamond ring on my finger. It glistens in the light of the room.

After what seemed like a few minutes, I remember what Gran used to say to me, when I found myself in hard situations. She would say “Any woman worth her salt, does what she has to do. Get yourself together. Sitting around crying helps noone.

I stand up wipe the tears off my face, with a new feeling of resolve taking over. I dart back to the dining room to retrieve my purse.

Believe it or not, it was right where I left it, completely untouched. I hunt in my bag for my emergency cell phone. Yes, fount it.

Now who should I call? Oh shit, What should I do? I know nothing about supernatural kidnappings. I can’t just go driving around looking for him. Besides I didn’t bring my car.  Bill drove tonight and I don’t have the keys.

But even if I did have my car, what was I going to do, drive around all night until I saw a giant sign that says “Attention kidnapped vampire here”? Vampires are way to smart to leave clues like that. And if I did find him, what then? What could I do? After all, I am only human and I could be greatly out numbered.  I don’t have super strength or speed. I will need some help, of the supernatural kind.

Sam! With his shifter ability and his knowledge of supernatural, he should be able to help me. I mean stuff like this is normal day in the life, to Supes right? I dial the number …

“Hello, Merlotte’s,” answers the new waitress, Tally, who just started last week.

“Um, hello, is Sam there, this is Sookie?”

“Hi, Sookie. No, Sam just stepped out for a bit. He went to town to get parts for the water heater. You know it broke down again. He really needs to just replace that stupid thing. That is the second time this week, it quit working. How am I suppose to serve customers if I don’t have any clean cups or plates.  Any way he thinks it is the heating element this time, so he ran out to get a new one. He should be back in a few hours. Would you like to leave a message?”

“No, that’s OK. I will call him later. Thanks.” I hung up the phone, not caring in the least I cut the converstation short. Who else could I call?

Jason. He is only human like me and he is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I would feel better with him here. Besides when you need help dealing with dead bodies you want family. I dial his number. It rings and rings.

“Hello, Hello. You thought I was there didn’t you? Ha, Ha, Ha Leave a message.”

I hung up the phone and sighed, will he ever grow up? I will have to have words with him, about having such an annoying and childish message. I guess it was for the best anyway. It is not like he has much experience with this type of situation.

Who else can I call?….. Eric. Damn it all to Hell! I don’t want to talk to that infuriating Viking! But what choice do I have? I can’t get hold of anyone else. I will have to tell him about this at some point anyway. Plus he is Bill’s Sheriff. It is part of the job description for him to protect the vampires in his area. He will want to find him and clean this mess up. Oh, he is going to just love this. Opportunistic A-hole.

“Hello, Fangtasia – the Bar with Bite. Amber here.”

“Hello Amber, This is Sookie Stackhouse. May I speak to Eric, please.”

“Master is quite busy.” Amber replies snidely.

“Eric, will not be pleased if you do not get him right now! I work for him, for goodness sake. Tell him it is Sookie!”

“OK, you don’t have to be rude about it”

“You have not seen rude, yet lady. Go get Eric.” I hear the phone moving through the crowd on the phone.

“I am Here.” Eric stated in an authoritative voice.

“And I am Here.”

“Sookie, to what do I owe the pleasure, my little bullet sucker.” Eric says as his voice drops a panty drenching notch.

“Eric, this is not a pleasure call.”

“Is that so, then to what do I owe the honor?”

“Eric, I was at a restaurant with Bill tonight and …”

“I do not care to hear about Bill.”

“Bill was taken, you big jerk! Isn’t it your job to do something about that? Aren’t you supposed to find him? He works for you! He lives in your area! Plus I don’t know the first thing about how to get rid of dead bodies! Should I leave everything the way it is? Do I just leave, go home and hope no one knows I was here? That no one finds my finger prints and blames it on me?  How am I supposed to know? I have never had to deal with corpses and kidnappings before! What am I gonna do? Who ever took Bill killed our waitress, hostess and the chef!” My anger slowly dissolves into uncontrollable sobs.

“Are you in danger now?”

“No, I don’t think so. I can’t sense anyone else in the building.” I say, trying to talk, though my sobs.

“I need to get out of here, I want to go home and… I am stuck here!” I hiccup as I try to get my breathing under control.

“I am on my way”, Eric reassures me. “Where were you when this happened?”

“Ah, I …was in the bathroom, washing my hands, if you must know.” I say feeling slightly embarrassed, but happy I finally got my crying under control.

“So how do you know he didn’t just leave you there?”

“What?! Eric, Bill would never just leave me here! I can tell there was a struggle! This place looks as though a tornado hit it!” I shout into the phone in anger.

“Is there some place you can hide until I get there?”

“I am hiding in the ladies bathroom. How far away are you?” I am crouched in the corner under the sink, clutching the phone to my ear, with a death grip.

A moment later, I hear a movement outside the door.  I feel my heart skip a beat, as the door to the room flies off its hinges. There stands Eric, his nostrils flared and showing a little fang.  I’m sure he noticed my heart’s flutter, at the mere sight of him.

He is leaning there, against the door jamb, with his arms crossed but some how flexing his muscles. He looked as if he were a model working at camera shoot. As usual Eric is wearing black boots, black jeans that hug him in all the right places and a black wife beater tee. My lord, he looks like a Viking sex god! I slowly drag my eyes up from the fit of his jeans, to his broad shoulders, to his strong arms. Arm porn anyone? By the time my eyes reach his, I am totally stunned to silence.

Sookie get it together. You are supposed to be worried about your Fiancé Bill – remember.

Eric chuckles at seeing me struck speechless. I hate it when he laughs at me.

“It is safe for you to come out. It does appear as if Bill was taken”

“Thank you so much, Captain Obvious!” I say irately. Hopeing my sarcam will distract him from the fact, that he had the abilitly to make my brain stop functioning, just by standing infront of me. Anger is good. Anger is safe. It will help to keep him where he belongs. At a distance. I am an engaged woman, I should not even be looking. Plus he is just so infuriating.

I can’t believe he thought Bill would just leave me here! As if my description of the destroyed room were not evidence enough! Men. Vampires. Whatever.

Eric seems baffled, “I am Sheriff, not a captain.”

Eric dials his phone and is speaking quickly in another language, then ends the call.

“Pam will be here shortly to start an investigation, I will take you home.”

A few minutes later, Pam walks in with a few vampires. As Eric speaks quietly to Pam, the unfamiliar vampires begin looking around.

The unusual cadence of their words frays my last nerve. “Don’t you know it is rude to talk in language I don’t understand?” I say standing with my hands on my hips, tapping my foot impatiently.

Eric smirks then motions, to me it’s time to go.

“Oh, don’t you just look delicious in lavender Sookie! I could just eat you up!” Pam states with a hungry look on her face while licking her lips.

She looks me up and down, like she wants to devour me whole. She must be checking out my new dress and shoes. Bill gave me this dress as a gift, to wear tonight. The dress is a satin, light purple, with dark purple trim. It is an off the shoulder style, that makes my neck and tan skin look really good. It flows down to my ankles, with a long slit that runs up to mid thigh, showing off my legs, I’ve always felt good about my legs. I felt like a goddess in this dress.

“Thanks Pam… Hi Pam, how nice to see you. How are you doing today? I am doing fine. Thanks for asking.” I say sarcastically while rolling my eyes. Pam smirks. Oh that Pam.

“So what do you two think happened to Bill? Was he in some kind of trouble, if so why didn’t he tell me about it? Was it the Fellowship of the Sun? Who has him?” I asked Eric in a worried tone.

Eric turns aside to tell Pam: “Keep me posted on any findings. I am taking Sookie home.”

“Yes, Master.” Pam nods.

As Eric and I approach his red Corvette I ask him to answer my questions.

Using his long body, Eric leans against me, pressing me gently, yet firmly against the passenger side door, pinning me there. He looks deeply into my eyes, with a look of hunger and longing on his face.

My heart is racing. Being this close to Eric is heaven and a very bad idea.

“Yield to me Sookie”

“Eric, take me home! I am not going to Yield to you. Not now not Ever. Do you actually believe that after the way you treated Lafayette that I would ever yield to you? I would prefer the black plague to being with you.”

“I think you are lying to yourself Lover and you know it.” Eric growls with glowing eyes.

Eric moves aside to open the door and I slide into the seat. What have I gotten myself into? Now I am in a car with Eric Northman, the bad ass Vampire Sheriff of area 5 and Viking sex god. Lord give me strength. With the steamy sex dreams I have been having about him, this is going to be a very long drive. Calm down Sookie. Think about what he did to Lafayette. Think of Bill. You love Bill. You do not love Eric. You hate Eric. He tricked you into taking his blood. Bill warned you about this. After all, who knows if he is anything like he is in your dreams? They are just dreams after all.

“What are you thinking about? I feel your feelings jumping all over the place.”

“Eric, please just take me home, I am on emotional overload and I just want to take a shower and go to bed.”

“I would be more than happy to assist you with your shower and then take you to bed.” Eric says raising one eyebrow at me.

“Keep dreaming Eric! Because that’s the only way it would happen!” I roll my eyes.

I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed how fast he was driving. At this rate I would be home in 25 minutes.

“Eric, please slow down. I am mortal after all. If we crash I know you would survive, but there would be nothing left of me.”

“I think of your mortality often, more then I care to Lover”

“Eric, for god’s sake, I AM NOT YOUR LOVER NOR WILL I EVER BE!”

“No, not yet, but you will be”

“You are infuriating Eric Northman! I am marrying Bill. He proposed to me tonight and I accepted. There will never be an us!”

“You are not married yet. You will still be mine! Eric growls. Then I growl back.

“I never should have called you. I should have just walked home and avoided you altogether!” I say with as much venom in my voice as possible.

“That would have been unwise Lover and you know it.”

For the rest of the ride we sat in silence fuming. I looked out the window, wishing I were somewhere else. I am counting the minutes, till I get home. Eric was trouble with a capital T. What was I thinking when I called him? I should have just waited where I was, until I could get hold of someone else. Sam would have come to get me as soon as he got back. Now I am stuck in this car with Eric freak’n Northman. This is just great. Finally we turn into my drive way, I was so relieved to see my house. I jump out of the car the moment it stops and start running for the door. In a flash of vampire speed, Eric is in front of me. I run into him at full tilt, and landed smack on my butt.

“Eric, get out of the way!” I say while getting up and dusting the dirt off my bottom.

“Sookie, why do you fight me so? You have had my blood; I can feel your attraction to me and I smell your arousal. Is Bill really worth it? ”

“Bill, never tricked me into drinking his blood! Bill never kidnapped my friend Lafayette and kept him chained in his own filth. Bill never sent me into a trap, knowing good and well it was a trap. Bill loves me and wouldn’t hurt me, he is a real gentleman. Whether or not I am attracted to you is irrelevant! I hate you! A handsome face is not enough to make up for the despicable way you act!” I said with all the anger I could muster, while sticking my finger repeatedly in to his chest. Does he actually think I would just forgive him for something like that? He is out of his mind. While he is thinking about what I said, I sneak around him and run into the house. Suddenly Eric is on the porch, trying to prevent me from going inside. I dive around him into my house. God Bless Jason for co-opting me for football practice.

As my body hits the floor, I yell “Eric, I rescind your invitation!” I immediately jump up and I slam the door in his face. I know that I have never invited him in before, but it just felt good to say it anyway.

I hear a loud growl outside and the sound of something crashing, then I hear an echoing growl from Eric’s corvette and a spatter of gravel as he takes off at break neck speed down my drive way.

Well that was a close one. I think to myself. I put down my purse to look at the ring on my hand.

Bill where are you? I sigh.

I gather my things for a nice long shower. It feels like heaven, the hot water removes all the stress from my tired, aching muscles. I get out, dry off and look at myself in the mirror.

Why did I act that way when Bill asked me to marry him. Why didn’t I answer him right away? Like Scarlett O’Hara, I will think of it another day. I am too tired to tonight.

I brush my hair and climb into bed. I am asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

** I had to tie up a lot of loose ends from the show, before I could take the story where I wanted to go. Sookie is way Out of Character in this story and acts immature in the beginning. Yes, I am aware of this. She will start to mature in this story. I wrote her like this on purpose. She grew up in a small town and lived a very sheltered life. Since she had so few friends and spent all her time when around people, trying to shield her mind and not to hear their thoughts. Because of this she lacked normal life experinces to mature in a normal fashion. Plus lets face it, she does not act that mature on the True blood show. I mean believing everything Bill says, slapping Eric, telling him she prefers cancer and mouthing off to Russel. She is very naive. But I just love Sookie to pieces anyway!

**This story also has a lot of Southern Slag and sayings, as well as sarcasm. It is the Southern way and this is a Southern story. I just took it up a few levels. I will explain a few of the sayings at the bottom of the page after each chapter. I don’t wait to ruin the story for you.

**Even if I did have my car, what was I going to do, drive around until I saw a giant sign that says “attention kidnapped vampire here”?

She is being very sarcastic. She knows good and well, as would anyone with a lick of common sense, that there would never be such a sign.

He is not the sharpest knife in the drawer

This is a common saying meaning he is not very bright. Other common sayings are: Dumb as a box of rocks, Lights are on but noone is home. Etc.


Chapter 17 – Bill

Hello readers,

*** Warning Mild Drug use in this chapter and the next chapter as well. If you don’t like that kind of thing now is the time to skip this chapter. ***

Now on with the story:

Chapter 17:

Suddenly there is a large ruckus coming from the hallway, we all turn our attention to the doors, as they where instantaneously thrown open. In walks an odd looking group, comprised of 5 Virginal looking women dressed in white Greek gowns. They take up point on either side of the door way. Once in place, an ancient looking vampire, practically glades through the door, although it looks as if, it takes great effort for her to move, at her age. Her face is withered with fine lines, that only living a long human life can give you. Her eyes are completely white, with no visible pupil or irse, but some how, she still seems able to see. She turns her head as if taking in the room and then focusing dead on me.

All the vampires in the room, instantly drop to their knees on the floor kneeling, at the mere sight of her. Even the Weres in the room kneel to her. I look around at everyone in awe and wonder who this lady is, to command such respect from everyone present in room.

“You may rise.” She says, while motioning with her hands.

“Your excellently, you honor us with your presence.” The Queen state with a humility I did not know she actually possessed.

“I am not to here to see you child. I have had visions of this one.” She says raising a withered finger in my direction. I look behind me to make sure she is actually pointing at me and not some one standing behind me.

“Me?” I say in shock. Why would she come to see me?

“Yes, my dear, you. My visions of what you will do tonight, have been more entertaining than anything I have seen in thousands of years. I had to come and bare witness to it myself, first hand, in the flesh.”

Everyone looks perplexed about what could be so interesting, that the Ancient Pythoness would come all the way, from her home, where ever that may be to observe it.

The doors suddenly open again and a bunch of the Queen’s Weres carry in a elaborate throne and set it up against a long wall in the middle of the room. The Ap walks to her throne and sits down regally. Her handmaidens surround her, sitting at her feet.

Everyone in the room is still staring at her, waiting to see what she will do next.

“Proceed as if I am not here.” The Ap orders, while watching us all, as if we were her favorite reality TV show.

“Shit a brick, Sook, whos in the Heellls is that bitch?” Laf whispers in a state of wonder. His mouth is hanging open so wide, that I am surprised that he is not drooling all over himself.

“Shhh. We will talk about it later.” Pam snaps at Laf. He nods in agreement, that now is not the time.

I see Laf changing mental gears.

“All right thens. Wells, I ams gets boreds out my ever lovens, muthur fuckins minds. I thinks I want to cash in my fun Sookie ticket.”

“WHAT? When? You can’t be serious Laf. I gave you ticket as a gift, not for you to use it to get me killed! Now is not the time!”

” Yes, right mother fuck nows! Bitch please? What is wrongs with us’s havens a little bits of fun tonight?”

“What is this Fun Sookie ticket?” Eric inquires, for everyone at the table. They all look interested in learning what a Fun Sookie ticket is.

“Wells sees, this crazy ass Bitch, is suchs a goody two shoes, that she refuses to smoke the chronic with my happy ass. Plus we are some broke muthur fuckers, so we make each others Bday gifts. So I tolds her happy ass, a few years ago that for mys birthdays, I wanted her to smoke some Mary Jane with me, as my gift. Face it Home girls, you need a vacation in yous minds! Anyways, instead she gave me this “Fun Sookie ticket”. Laf pulls out 5 fun Sookie tickets. Eric takes one and looks it over.

“It says, I could cashs ins this muthur fuckers, whens evers the hells I wants. Then her bitch ass has to smokes some of this shitz with me.” Laf takes one of the tickets and wavys it around in the air, showing it to everyone, as if it was a winning lottery ticket.

“Yes, I gave you the tickets, but now is not the time Laf. I doubt these vamps would want to put up with me, when I am running around, reliving my childhood, by watching cartoons and acting like I have no common sense.”

“You thinks she is entertains nows? Yous ain’t seen nothing yets! This bitch is hold’n back, she is off the chain when she smokes this shit.”

“Actually Lover, I would like to see you let go like that. Even if it is just this once. Plus you gave him the ticket. It is a binding contract. It is up to him when he cashs it.”

I huff and stomp my foot.

“Fine! You Asshole, I will smoke that crap with you, OK!”

“Bitch please, you know you will like”

“Jackass” Everyone watches us sling insults back and forth as if it was a tennis match.

“Pollyanna skank bitch!”


“Goodie twos shoes!”

“Ass pirate”

“Whats the hells? Ass Pirate? Bitch please! What the fucks does that even means, fucking Bitch ass Cracker!”

“Anal Astronaut.” I yell out with out thinking. The Vampires are looking amused at our back and forth name calling.

“Mmm. I like that shit! Ands you knows, Lala loves to go wheres no mans gones befores!” I blush. I did not think he would come out with that come back.

“Shit Bitch you gonna haves to tries harders than that! I knows you were the worlds oldest virgins and all, but yous have to do better that that shiz!”

“Fine you asked for it! Village people reject! And how the fuck can I be a skank and the worlds oldest virgin, at the same time? That makes absolutely no sense.”

“Village people reject? Heys now, that shit was below the belts! Bitch, yous nows hurts my feelings. You knows hows bads I wanted to join the news Village people group! I practiced my moves for weeks for that shit.” Laf jumps up and starts showing off his moves. The vampires smirk at him. It is pretty funny seeing him jump and start humping the air like that.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have tried out for the cowboy and the motorcycle guy. I think you would have been better chance as the construction worker or the police man.”

“Shit, I look Hots as mother fucking hells in the cowboy hat. I don’t know why they didn’t pick my black ass.”

“There, there, I am sure you would have made an awesome cowboy for the village people. Really Laf, it is their loss not yours.” I roll my eyes.

“Don’t yous knows it.” He smirks at me.

“You tried out for the village people? Wasn’t that a band in the 70’s?” Harold says, joining our conversation.

“Ya’s, but the orginals mother fuckers wheres too damns olds to go on tour, so they were looking for new members to remake the groups.”

“Oh, well that is interesting.”

“Yes’um. Its woulds have beens a really sweets gig too.” Laf gets a far off look in his eyes. Pam and Eric are just shaking there heads.

“Did you bring the things I like to do when I smoke?”

“Bitch please.”

“So you packed my painting stuff, three rubix cubes, my ipod, the portable boom box, my ice skates, Romantic Comedies and Cartoon DVDs and all my other stuff?

“Yes, have you forgot whos yous talkings too? I broughts all smoking shit with me. I gots Beavis and Butthead, Monty pathon, Meet the Fockers 1 and 2 and My Bigs Fats Greeks Wedding. We set bitch.”

“How about chocolate. I can’t smoke that without a large amount of chocolate.”

“Yes, I gots brownie’s mixs, Dove bars and a whole lots of yummy shit pack.” Laf says as he starts getting annoyed with me asking.

“And you won’t let me do anything too crazy.”

“Honey childs, don’t Laffy always takes care of you?”

“Humm. True…. Did you call the lawyer and alert him we might need him to bail us out?” The Vampires look shocked at this. I don’t think they really know what they are in for.

“Don’t I always?”

“Huphf. Ok. But we will have to go outside so we don’t stink up the Queens house with the smell.”

“Sures, I ams downs with that’s. Anys ones wants to smoke with us?” Laf asks as we both stand, to walk out. He pull a large bag out of his pocket, with a few blunts and a pipe.

“No need to go out side. We can retreat to the smoking lounge.”

“Thank you, your Majesty.” The weres reappear as if by magic, to move the Ap’s chair. The Queen leads us all to her smoking lounge.

“So you ready bitch, this is some strong shitz.”

“I am as ready as I will ever be.” Taking a deep breath. This is the last thing I imagined, when I was thinking about what would happen on this trip.

“Hows abouts you nerd boy, you gone fire one ups with us?”

“Uh… no thanks. I need to keep a clear head.”

“Your loss.” Laf lights the blunt takes a hit and passes it to Sookie.

I take the blunt and sigh. I take a hit and almost cough up a lung. I should have never given Laf those tickets. Nothing I can do about it now, except learn from it and never give him one as a gift again. I sigh.

I pass it back to Laf. He takes a large hit and coughs.

Chapter 18 >>> No new chapters at this time

Chapter 16 – Bill

Chapter 16:

“We appreciate your assistance Rasal.” Eric states with a firm nod. Rasal nods in return.

We follow quickly behind Rasal, back to Queen. We walk into a large dinning room and everyone is seated at a long, formal dinning room table, chatting.

“Your Majesty, Bills punishment is being implemented. You can watch it on the live feed channel on the TV, if you so wish it.” Rasal bows to the Queen then to us. She motions for him to leave.

“Excellent. Let us see how our dear Mister Compton is fairing.” She turns on the large screen TV on the wall and turns it to the live feed channel.

“SOOKAH! AHHHHHHHHHH! Let me out of here! Oh the singing! The awful Singing! Make it stop!” In the back round Dora is trying to get to the tallest mountain and is asking Map for directions.

The Queen laughs out loud in glee, at hearing Bill scream for mercy.

“That music and voice is certainly unbearable. It is no wonder there are such problems with today’s youth. They are driven insane from infancy listening to this.”

The other Kings and Queens in the room, nod in agreement.

“Please join us.” The Queen says as she shuts off the TV, then motions to our group, to join her. Eric takes a seat to the left of the Queen. I sit beside Eric and beside me sits Pam, then Laf, then Harold. Alcide and Tray take up guard behind us. On the right of the Queen, sits the Magister.

“Sookie, let me introduce you to the other Kings and Queens in attendance. Across from you is King Stan Davis from Texas, then King Bart of Tennessee, Queen Rose of New Jersey, King Peter of Arkansas and King Felipe of Nevada.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you all.” I say with a nod to each King and Queen.

In front of each vampire is a gold goblet, which I am assuming is full of Blood. Waiters comes out with plates piled high with food for the humans and places them before us. Then another waiter steps forward to fill our wine glasses.

We eat, drink and chat about current affairs. Then after a while King Stan addresses me.

“Ms. Stackhouse. I have grown curious of your plans to get back at your bother. Care to enlighten us?”

“Well, I was planning to work on my plan for him tomorrow during the day, however if you are interested in hearing about it, I do not mind planning it out now.”

“I would love to observe your planning process. It should be intriguing to watch.” The vampires around the room nod in agreement.

“Ok.” I take a deep breath.

“Alcide. Can you represent your pack?”

“Yes, although for some decisions I will have to confer with the pack master. What did you have in mind?”

“I have a few ideas. But let me start with Tray. Tray if I was to trade you 5 hours of Telepathic services would you help me with my brothers truck? Oh and when I say Telepath services there are a few rules that go with my services.” Time to set up precedent for my Telepathic services.

“What are your rules and what did you want to do to your brother’s truck?”

“Well the rules for my telepathic rules are:

1). My telepath services are for my telepathy and my telepathy only. It does not include blood or sexual relations of any kind.

2). Unless it is a dire emergency, you will give me at least 3 days notice, so I can get my personal affairs in order before leaving to assist you.

3). I will be guarded from harm, before, during and after the use of my services, until I am returned safely to my home and the guards must be approved by Eric.

4). My current car is a hunk of unreliable junk. So if you need me to read away from the town of Bon Tomps, transportation to and fro will need to be provided.

5). If I need to stay over night away from my home, a hotel room will be provided. It must be some where safe, that Eric approves of. As well as being provide with 3 meals a day, the entire time I am away from home.

6). How long I can read in one day, depends on the amount of humans around. Reading individuals, one at a time, is less stressful and I could keep it up for a few good hours, as long as I get breaks every so often. For example interviewing new hires or reviewing you employees one at a time. However if I am in a public place, all the minds puts a lot of pressure on my shields and can cause them to fail. So if I need to attend a party or a pack meeting, I might only be able to stay for two or three hours before retiring for the night.” Tray and Alcide nod.

7). Anyone I find who is found guilty is handed over to the proper authorities.”

“Proper Authorities?” Alcide and Tray say in unison. The vamps look on in rabid attention, as if there is going to be a test afterwards.

“Yes, proper Authorities for example if the wrong doer is a human you call the human cops. Even if you have to glamour them into admitting their crimes or frame them for a different crime and plant evidence. If the wrong doer is a Were, you hand him over to the local pack master. If the wrong doer is a vampire, you will hand them over to their local Sheriff or Royal. I will not take part in vigilantism. Whoever has done wrong should have to answer to their legal system. I will not take part in murders. Nor do I want to see any violent punishments carried out. If violent punishments are warranted, then I am to be allowed to leave, before it is carried out. I do not care to witness it.”

Alcide and Tray think it over and nod in agreement. Eric looks impressed with my rules. The other Kings and Queens are listening closely, as if taking notes on what my telepathic services would entail.

8). My telepathy can not be used for anything illegal. I will not go with you to Vegas or any gambling establishment. I will not use my telepathy to help you take over an area or hurt anyone for personal gain. I will only use my gift to prevent harm to others and to find wrong doers.

9). If you need more telepathic services in the future, your request will go through Eric. As my bonded he is my agent. He will negotiate the price and may add his own rules in addition, to my rules. He may deny any request if it is too dangerous. I trust his judgment. These are just my rules, he might have some of his own to add. I say looking over at him.

“I will decide addition rules on a case by case basis.” Eric speaks out to the room, after giving me a affirming nod.

Everyone nods and seems to be thinking over what I said.

“Now as far as what I would like to do to Jason’s truck. His truck is his baby. He doesn’t care about a lot of things, but his truck is definitely one of them. So I want to put a pink car skin on his truck. Car skins are suppose to be easy to remove and just peel off. So it should not cause any damage to his truck. But it would take him a whole day to remove it! I also want to hook up a horn that will yell out “I want my Mommy” every time he honks the horn or steps on the brakes. Do you think you would be able to do this?”

Tray laughs.

“That should not be a problem. But Sookie are you sure. You don’t mess with a man’s truck.”

“I know. But I think he deserves it, this is the sixth time he had done something like this to me. I have tried talking to him about it and explaining to him this is unacceptable behavior. I have also tried hitting him back. He still shows up acting like this. Not to mention, that he is constantly stealing my food and belongings, claiming to be borrowing them and then never returns them. Even thought he makes 3 times more money than I do. So I believe it is time for a more radical approach.”

“I will start on it as soon as we return to town. I should be able to complete it over night.”

“Excellent. Thank you Tray. Just call me when you need me to read someone. Just remember my rules.”

Tray nods in agreement.

“Alcide. Next I will need your help.”

Alcide nods and motions for me to continue.

“I will trade 5 hours of telepathy reading to your pack, for each night my plan is carried out to the letter, without any permanent injury to my brother. For a total of 5 nights. But the rules for my Telepath apply to your pack as well.”

“Ok, what were you wanting to do to him?”

“See my brother is a bit of man whore and a bit homophobic. Since he thinks it is perfectly acceptable to show up, slap me, ruining my night, I want to return the favor. So I want two of your pack members, different ones each time, to follow him when he gets off work for the night, to his house and then to where ever he decides to go out to pick up girls. Almost every night he goes out trolling for women to take home.”

“I think I am afraid to ask where you are going with this” Alcide laughs.

“Then right when he is about to leave with a girl, I want one of your Weres to walk up to him and slap him clear across the face. Not so hard to permanently hurt him, but enough to get his attention. I want them to cause an embarrassing scene, that is completely untrue and humilate my brother. You can have the Were’s accuse him of having an affair with their wife or for getting them pregnant. They could also accuse him of cheating on them or have them act like they are his gay jealous lover and get handsie with him. Then when the woman he is with, leaves him high and dry, I want your Weres to apologize to him and say “Oh I thought you were someone else”, then high tail it out of there. I want this to happen a total of 5 times.”

Everyone at the table starts to laugh.

“That should be doable. Is that all?”

“No, I also have a few more ideas for him. That was just phase one and two. Now on to phase three: Operation Smorgasbord board. Alcide can you build two hidden speaker boxes into Jason’s bedroom when he is not at home and hide some outside in the trees in the yard?”

Sookies phone start to ring before Alcide can answer. She looks down at her phone.

“Speak of the devil.” All the sups in the room are listening in.

“Jason, what do you want now?”

“Hey Sookie. Is that any way to talk to your only brother?”


“Damn Sook, I said I was sorry about before.”

“What do you want Jason, I am busy.”

“Well, I just stopped at a gas station in Monroe, on my way back and you will never guess who I ran in to?”

“Who?” I say getting annoyed and impatient at the interruption, with one of his legendary, long drawn out stories.

“You remember Jimmy from my football squad in high school. His happy ass is getting married the day after tomorrow, to some hot chick he met. He says she has a killer rack. Anyway one of his groomsmen caught the flu. So he asked me to stand in for him.”

“Killer rack. I so did not need to hear that Jason… I am happy for Jimmy. But what does this have to do with me?”

“Well you remember my tux right? The one I wore it to a wedding about 8 months ago? When I was there, these three of bridesmaids got a bit frisky with me, after the wedding. They couldn’t wait to get them a piece of some good old Jason loven. So they tore up my coat, shirt and pants. The three of them ripped that sucker clear up. I had to drive home in my boxers. Damn that was an awesome wedding. Wedding always make the chicks extra horny and have tons of free food. So anyway, I need you to come on home right away and get started fixing my tux, so it will be ready in time for the wedding. I can’t be missing that shit!”

“Let me get this straight.” I say, after taking a cleansing breath and rubbing my temples. I get up and start to pace back and forth.

“You want me to cancel my plans for the night, drive over 3 hours back home, in the middle of the night, just to fix your tux! Your tux that was torn up, thanks to your sexapades, over 8 months ago. A tux, that was so unimportant to you, that you plain forgot to ask me to fix it for you? Till right now, the night before a wedding… All this, just so you can score with some whores at a wedding.”

“Don’t forget the free food. See! I knew you would understand. Plus I took your TV. I mean you never watch it anyway, with you reading all the damn time. Its a waste. Besides my TV went out and I wanted to catch the game.”

“You…. You took my TV!” I heard Eric growling at my brother, with fire burning in his eyes, while I was yelling at Jason.

“Yeah, its not like you use it or anything. You only watch it like, what? Once a week or something? It is a waste, sitting in Grans old house and not getting used. And that’s want family does. Borrow stuff.”

“Fuck you Jason. Hire a damn seamstress to fix your own fucking tux! Serves you ass right, if you can’t find anyone to fix it and you don’t get to go!.. Asshole!… I didn’t know you were cataloging my TV usage. Thank you for letting me in on the new perimeters for our brother/sister relationship. I will be returning the favor.” I hear Jason ask out loud, what cataloging and perimeters where, as I hung up the phone. I start to humble and swear to myself under my breath as I continue to pace back and forth. I stare blankly at the ceiling, as if the answer to all my problems, was suddenly going to just drop down out of no where.

“I knew your brother was addled brained, but I had no idea that he was quite that defective. To bad, he does look scrumptious.”

“Don’t tell me you are falling for his charms too, Pam! He is an idiot! I can’t believe I am related to him. I wonder sometimes if our mother dropped him on his head as a small child.”

“A brain injury would account for his lack of common sense and social skills.” Replies King Peter.

“Is this the way normal human relationships between sibling transpire?” Asks King Stan to the other vampire Kings and Queens in the room.

“No, I believe that request was well out of normal protocol for human brother/sister relationships of this time period.” Replies Queen Rose.

The other Kings and Queens nod in agreement.

“Lover, I will have your locks changed, a security system installed and a new TV waiting for you, upon our return. In my time the man of the family took care of the women, not steal from them.” Eric shakes his head not believing that my brother would go so low as to treat his sister this way.

“Thank you Eric. I would appreciate having my locks changed. But I don’t need a security system and I can buy my own TV with the money from the game.”

“Lover, why can’t you let me take care of you? As your bonded it is my job. You will shame me, not allow me to do so.”

“Huphf….Alright. But don’t take it to far.”

Eric gets an excited look in his eyes. I am afraid to see what I am in for when we get home. I bet he will buy a TV that is as big as my living room wall.

I continue my pacing, trying to come up with a new plan for Jason. I can’t believe, he thinks I would cancel my plans and come running home jus to fix his tux, just so he could “Score” at a wedding! The nerve of him!

“Tray I wish to cancel the plans for Jason’s truck. I have a better idea for him.”

“Ok. I bet this will be good. What’s the new plan?” Tray laughs.

I put my finger to my mouth, deep in thought, like Dr evil.

“Well apparently being family means, you have the right to go over to your family member’s house and take anything you want without asking, if they do not use the item a lot. So I want to return the favor.”

“Ok, what you thinking?”

“Oh this should be good.” Pam snickers.

“Lets see… I want to rent a u-haul truck and remove everything from my brother house. Everything, except his bed, TV, the refrigerator and his person items. Then I want to store them in a rental unit. I will tell him that I bought a vacation house in Shreveport and needed stuff to furnish it. Since we are family and he was not using those items alot and I needed them, I was entitled to take them.”

Eric and Pam snicker. Tray and Alcide look stunned. The other Vampires seem to be pondering my antics.

“Won’t he be mad? I sure he uses some of that stuff.”

“I am sure he will be mad, but I am making a point to him. Reverse phyocolgy and treat others the way you want to be treated. I want him to see what it feels like, to have your own family break into your house and take stuff without asking, when he is out of the house. Just because he thinks I do not use it enough in his option, to keep it. Plus it’s true, he doesn’t really use all that stuff. He uses his bed to sleep in and for the whores he brings home. He uses the frig to store his beer. But the rest he really doesn’t use. I am surprised he doesn’t scream out in horror at the sight of cooking implements, he is so afraid of cooking.”

Everyone laughs.

“Ok, when were you wanting to do this? He works during the day right?”

“Yes. I would like to schedule this for 3 days after we get back. I have to work on Bill’s firework punishment first.”

Alcide and Tray nod.

“I should warn you though, you will need to bring rubber gloves and something to pinch your nose closed.”

“Why?” They all look at me in a perplexed manner.

“Well, Jason lives like a pig. To avoid washing clothes, he buys new ones every week and leaves this old ones rotting all over his house. He leaves pizza boxes, take out rappers, old beer bottles and cans everywhere. He even leaves out half eaten cereal bowls on the counter, until they start to turn into cheese and even then he leaves them there. His bathroom is so dirty, it is a breeding ground for germs, that the center for disease control would be jealous of.”

Alcide and Tray stutter at the thought of the smell. The vampires look thoroughly disgusted.

“Your brother chooses to live in his own filth. Why I am I not surprised.” Eric inquires in disgust.

“Yes, until he gets tired of it, about once or twice a year. Then he runs right off to the store, to purchase cleaning products and leaves them on the kitchen counter. He then talks one of his flings to staying with him for a week. When he is at work, the women get bored and grossed out by his house. They end up cleaning it up and washing all his clothes. They hope by doing this, it will show him, they are wife material. But when it is all cleaned up, he kicks them out.” I roll my eyes.

“And here I thought he was just a pretty face.” Pam laughs out loud.

I roll my eyes at Pam. How she can admire him for playing on women’s heart strings and emotions like that, I will never know. But after all she is Pam, so I most likely will never figure her out.

“So what do you think Tray and Alcide? Will you be able to help me with my plan? Tray I will give you 5 hours of Telepathy for your help on this. Alcide I will give your pack 25 hours, if you can bring 5 weres to help out. I want to get this done quick. Jason sometimes stops at home on his lunch break.”

“Naw, that should not be a problem. I will speak to our pack master tonight.”

“K, thanks. Tray?”

“Girl you are a whole heap of trouble. But I will be there. Just let me know when and where.”

“Thanks so much, you’re the best!” I say getting really excited about getting Jason back for all his bull shit.

Eric just looks at me in a proud manner. I smile at him.

Chapter 17 >>>

Chapter 15 – Bill

I would like to Thank the following reviewers:

Realjena, ladybrie, TheLadyKT, nordiclover, artzannie25, desireecarbenell, leyly, ILoveVikings, melissacl, rpm2010, truebloodlover123, LiterarySiren, EmilieMoore, Stop Bad FF, SwedeHeart14, Rossy1

Now on with the show!

Chapter 15:

“No Sookah! AHHHHHHHHHHH!(lightening) No, I will work with the evil, that is Bob Villa… I would rather your punishment, over anything the Magister has planned. Even if it is working with likes of Bob.” Bill shutters at the thought of working with Bob. Maybe he doesn’t like his hair?

“At least I don’t have to work with Norm.” I hear Bill mutter, beneath his breath. But thanks to all the blood from Eric, I had earlier, I hear what he says.

“Now that is an excellent idea! I wonder if he is available!” I put my finger to my mouth, like I am Dr Evil incarnate coming up with an evil plot.

“What? No, no, NO! Not Norm too! God please No! NO! Please Sookah! AHHHHHHHHHHH! I think my ass hair is on fire”

“Seriously Bill! You need to be medicated! Tell me, did your Mother even like you?”

“My mother, don’t you bring my mother into this Sookah! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Your mother, your maker and the candle stick maker!” I sass back.

“Now children, that is enough. As much as I enjoy your torment of Compton, I grow rather tired of hearing his petulant voice. I think it is time to start his punishments, before the night gets away from us.”

“Of course, Magister. I apologize. Dealing with someone as annoying as Bill, gets the best of me. I will have to save the Sock puppets for another night. Your Majesty, do you have a room and chair we could use to start his children’s entertainment programming punishment?”

“Yes, I have a room in my dungeon that should suffice. Rasal! Show Sookie and her group the room for Compton. Give her what ever she needs to complete his punishment.”

“Yes your Majesty”.

Laf starts digging through one of the boxes and pulls out a beer hat. Steve pulls out some video camera’s and microphones. It is a good thing I remembered to pack the Beer hat. They are hard to find.

“Bill would you like a donor to feed from? As part of your punishment, you will be mainstreaming for the next 30 days, so this will be your last opportunity to feed off of a live donor for quite a while.”

Bill nods. The Queen makes a motion with her hand and a donor is brought into the room. Bill glamour’s her, then pulls her body towards him. He starts rubbing his body up and down against her, as if he was sexing her. He pushes her head to the side exposing her neck. Then licks up her neck while looking at me straight in the eye, while simultaneously thrusting into her back, trying to make me jealous. I just roll my eyes. I am so over him, it is not even funny. Why would I be jealous. I mean look at him, his head looks like big foot ball with side burns.

He goes to bite her, but his fangs won’t come down. He keeps making a face, trying to click them down into place. But no matter how he tries, they just won’t come down. I guess he is having Fang dysfunction. How sad… Not!

I feel a smile start to slowly creep on to my face, as I try in vain to hold back my laughter. Before I know it, my laughter escapes and I bust out laughing! I know it is mean to laugh at him like that, but the look on his face, is just priceless.

“Fang… Dys..function!” I say between laughs, clueing everyone in.

If Bill was still human, I’d bet his face would be beat red with anger and embarrassment! I am laughing so hard that I am bent over, gasping for air and crying. The look on his face! Oh my god! Lord give me strength!

Everyone joins in once they realize this was part of the punishment spell.

“Sookah! AHHHHHHHHHHH! My Fangs are not working! They not working! How could they not be working!”

“No donor for you Billy boy! Fang dysfunction!” Eric says shaking his head while, laughing at him.

“Fang dysfunction? What? Why are they not working?”

“How quickly you forget Bill. Remember part of the spell that was cast on you is, if you have sexual thoughts about me, that your fangs would not work for a week! I know from the way you just looked at me, when you were rubbing yourself all over that donor, you were thinking sexual things about me. Now your fangs will not work for a full week!” I laugh out loud again, at his face. It looks like a light bulb just went off above his head.

“No…. NO… NO! Sookah! AHHHHHHHHHHH! God this lightening needs to Stop! You can’t make my fangs stop working! How will I eat?”

“Well you always talked about how you wanted to mainstream Bill. Now heres your big chance!” I giggle.

Every one starts laughing at him again.

I see Pam laughing while, snapping pictures with her phone and Laf is shooting video.

After a few moments the Queen collects herself and motions for the Donor to be taken away.

“Why are you taking me away. He didn’t even bite me? And his dick did not even get hard! Did he not like me? I can do better! Please don’t make me leave!” Her voice gets quieter and quieter as she is pulled away by the guards out of the room.

“I guess you had a bout of Erectal disfuction too!” Everyone in the room is laughing at him. He looks like he is going to blow like a smoke stack. I just giggle at him.

Once I am able to collect myself, I bow to the Queen, then to the Magister. They are both still shaking there heads.

We follow Rasal out of the room, with Bill and his guards trailing behind us.

We walk into the room, the Queen assigned us for Bills punishment. The guards pull Bill along with them, then toss him to the floor in the corner. They stand guard on either side of him.

“Please tell me what you need to complete his punishment.” Rasal inquires.

I take in the room. On the walls and ceiling are large white tiles that must be about 3 feet across. The floor has little white tiles like the ones normally seen in bathrooms. There is a large drain in the middle of the floor. In the ceiling are some large hooks for hanging things and a water hose is rolled up on a hook on one of the walls. It looks like a torture chamber, designed by some one who really loves white. In the middle of the room is a steal chair that is bolted to the floor. I walk over to the chair and inspect it. Yes this chair will work nicely.

“Rasal, could we strap Bill to this chair. I don’t want to burn him, but I don’t want him to be able to move. Could you do that?”

“Of course.” He motions to the guards. The guards pick up Bill and force him into the chair. One Guard produces a long strip of cloth, practically out of thin air and starts to wrap a long silver chain with it. Once it is covered, he wraps it carefully, but tight around Bill, tying him to the chair.

Once he is secure the guards step back and stand up against the wall out of the way.

“Sookie! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You can’t do this! Everything I did, I did out of love for you! I love you! You can’t do this to me!”

“I can and I will. Rasal can you get me a large screen TV and some Dora the explorer videos. Oh and Spongebob Square pants video’s too. I will also need a DVD player. Will the guards be here to switch the video’s out when they end? If so you might want to rotate them, so don’t have to endure the video’s for too long. After all this is Bill punishment not theirs.”

Rasal nods. Then steps out the door and starts talking to some one. A few minutes later another vampire appears with a TV and DVD player and starts installing it on the wall and setting it up, without a word.

“I have ordered the Queens day man to go out and retrieve the videos you requested. He will return shortly.”

So I decide to use this time to set up the beer hat. I place it on Bill’s head, he is trying to smell me and lick me while I adjust it in to place. Mumbling to himself that I am his. So I have the guards put gag ball on him, so I can finish my task, in peace.

Note to self, keep gag in purse at all times, they come in handy when dealing with Bill.

Once I am happy with the placement of the hat and I am sure it will not fall off, I request a True blood and pore it into the hat.

“How will he drink with that Gag in his mouth Hooker?”

“Hmmm. That is quite the problem. Maybe we can drill a hole into it just big enough for the hose? ”

“That sounds like a plan.” Laf agrees.

One of the guard removes the gag and pushes his finger through the ball part of the gag making a hole.

“Sookah! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH how could you do this too me? You said that you love me, how could you do this to someone you love?”

I laugh a good and hardy laugh.

“Love you? Are you serious? I hate you Bill! You betrayed me from day one. I have saved you over and over and you use it to just betray me further each time. You forced your blood on me, my Gran died because of you and you took my virginity under false pretense. How could anyone love someone, who has done that to them?”

“But I had to Sookah! AHHHHHHHHH” The guard hands me the gag back and I shove the gag back into his mouth.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, the Queen made you do it. Yada, yada, yada. Whatever. I don’t care to hear it.”

We stand around chatting and setting up the wireless video cameras, while we wait for the Queens day man to return with the DVD’s. After about 30 minutes there is a knock on the door. Rasal walks over opens it and is handed a big box of videos. He shuts the door and carries the box into the room and places the box next to the DVD player.

I walk over to the box and pick out Dora the explorer, Best Friends. I place the DVD into the player and start it.

The theme song comes on, with its annoyingly cheerful music.

dora! boots! come on dora!

do-do-do-do-dora! do-do-do-do-dora! do-do-do-do-dora! do-do-do-do-dora! lets go! dora dora dora the explorer! DORA! boots and supercool explora


we need your help!

grab your backpack! lets go! jump in! vamonos!

you can lead the way!

hey! hey!

do-do-dora! do-d-dora!

swiper no swiping! swiper no swiping! (oh man)

it;s dora the explorer!

“I hope you paid attention to the song Bill you will be singing it to us tomorrow!” We all laugh.

“That song is beyond irritating. I can see why you choose it as a punishment.” Eric states, like he just learned a new torture technique. Pam nods in agreement.

“Who knew that children’s programming was such mindless nonsense? I am surprised you do not see Mothers on the news, running amuck or refusing to have more children, having to listen to likes of this.”

Bill looks at me with wide eyes in horror. I remove the gag ball from his mouth as we leave the room. It will make watching him, from the video camera more entertaining if we can hear him complain.

“Sookah! AAAAAAAAAHHH! No don’t leave me here. I can’t watch this child sing! The Songs! AHHH! They are torturous! They are too cheerful, happy and catchy! Vampire’s were not meant to watch this! Please Sookah! AHHHHHHHHH! Take mercy on me! No one should ever be force to listen to this!”

Bill yells at me while we exit the room. I can still hear him yelling as the steel door is shut behind us.

“That is the most unique punishment, I have ever had the pleasure to witness. I now see why it is such a fitting punishment for Compton. Her voice alone.” Rasal shutters.

“You just wait till she sings the song about the map or tells Swiper to stop swiping! Or the “We did it” song! It brings a whole new meaning to the word excruciating.” I laugh out.

“Indeed.” Rasal states. Pam and Eric nod in agreement.

I hand the gag ball to the guard.

“Here, this is for your two, if he gets to annoying and you can’t stand to hear him complain anymore you can use this. Just make sure he has eaten first.

The guards nod at my request.

“Thank you. It will be bad enough listening to the video, but listening to him whine about it. I don’t know how long any vampire could listen to that.”

I laugh.

Rasal bows to us.

“If that is all, you need of my services, I will lead us back to Queen to report on status of Bill’s punishment.”

Chapter 16 >>>

Chapter 14 – Bill

Chapter 14:

“Now for your punishment for the death of my Gran. I know that you did not technically kill my Gran. But if you had a not gotten involved with me, she would still be alive. 2. If you followed protocol and reported to your Sheriff, like you were suppose to, my Gran would not have been killed. If your Sheriff knew that Fangbangers in his area were being killed, for associating with vampires, he could have looked into it. Then found the killer before he could kill anyone else. 3. If you took a few minutes and smelled the body or the crime scene of the victims you might have found out the killer was Rene and glamoured the police into looking at him as a suspect. Either way my Gran would not have been killed, in such a horrible way. She did not deserve that. She was a strong, independent woman with a heart of gold who died because of you.” I look at Bill will all the hate I can muster.

“It was not my fault Sookah! Eric would not have done anything! I was not allowed to intervene in human affairs in his area! I was under orders from the Queen to get you to her, as fast as possible! That did not allow me to look for Serial killers!”

“Sophie Ann, do not think it escaped my notice, that you sent Compton to acquire the Telepath through illegal means. You will pay Ms Stackhouse $1,000,000 dollars in restitution for the damage you have cause. If I find out about any other cases of you acquiring humans in this manner, I will have your crown. Do I make myself clear?” Magister states. Sophie Ann looks pissed, she nods while giving Bill a death glare.

“If I was informed of Fangbangers in my area being killed, for merely associating with Vampires, I would have investigated it, Compton. It is my area and my response ability. We would not want human’s death blamed on Vampires. Instead you walk into my bar with Miss Stackhouse asking questions, without explaining why you wanted the information.”

“I was unaware of this. You with held critical information from your Sheriff, in pursuit of a human?”

“I was ordered to, by the Queen!”

“If I hear one more excuse about the Queen from your mouth Compton, I will remove your tongue!”

Bill gulps.

“I will issue your punishment for this offense, once Sookie is finishes handing out her punishments to you.” Bill nods in an afraid manner.

“So as a punishment for my Gran’s death, I want the remains of your human family and their head stones moved from the grave yard on my property. I also want your headstone removed as well. This way I can visit my parents and Gran without running into you. This will also take away another reason for you to lurk near my home.”

I look around the court. To figure out who I should address this request to. I stop on the Magister. He nods.

“I want them moved to a graveyard in Seattle, Washington. It is far away from me, plus Bill lived there for a long time, so it is like a second home to him. It should be a fitting place to bury his family.”

“What no! Sookah! You can not move my wife and children! This is an out rage.”

“Well, you should have thought about that before you started a false relationship with me, that got my Gran killed. If you can’t handle the time, don’t do the crime.”

Bill mutters to himself.

“Now for his next punishment. Laf could you go ahead and cast the spells on him we spoke of.”

“Sure Hooker, it ain’t no thing, but a chicken wing on a string from Burger King.”

“I didn’t know Burger king sold chicken wings.” Harold states.

“Player they don’t. It’s an expression, get with the programs?”

“Hm.. ok.” Harold responds.

Laf gets his supplies together for the spell and pours a circle of salt.

“Will it interfere with the spell if I speak while you complete it?”

“Not as long as you keeps your sexy ass out of the circle, all will be copacetic.”

“Ok, well Laf is casting some spells on Bill, I will tell you what they do. Every time Bill speaks my name or Eric’s name he will be struck by lightning. Every time he has a sexual thought about me, it will cause him to have Fang dysfunction for a week. If he comes with in 100 feet of me, the spell will cause him to have erectile dysfunction for a month.”

“I am going to get struck with lightning, when I say your name? Sookah! Erectile dysfunction and Fang dysfunction? You can not allow this Sookah!”

“That is a brilliant idea! I wonder how much Laf charges? Maybe I could use his service on a few designers, when they want to use disgusting fabrics in their lines.” Pam says.

“Was this your idea?” Asks the Queen, she almost sound giddy.

“No, actually this was all Laf’s idea. He told me about it on the phone the other day! I thought it was the best thing since sliced bread!”

“Sliced bread. I was unaware that it was such a great invention.” States Eric.

“Well, it is really hard to cut bread into even slices.” Eric looks unmoved by this information. Hey, it’s not like the man eats bread.

Laf finishes his chanting.

“Its done Hooker. Bill should be fully covered by the spell now.”

“Sookah! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I got hit by lightning! Sookah ! S…to..pp AAAAH! Th.. is!… This is cruel and unusual punishment, Magister!”

“You think that is cruel and unusual, you have seen nothing yet Bill. Just wait till it is my turn.” The Magister says in an unsympathizing tone.

“No the spells aren’t one of  your punishments. They are just a reward for being the annoying fuck, which is you!”

“Are you sure she is not part Vampire, Sheriff.”

“Yes quite sure, although I agree she has the right temperament for vampirism.”

I give Eric the hairy eye-ball for talking about making me a vampire. He sees it and shrugs at me.

“The next punishment is for Bill lying to me over and over and just basically acting like a huge weenie. Which is kinda ironic since his dick is so small. Maybe he is over compensating?… Anyway. Since he is such a weenie she should feel right at home when he is working at the at the Weenie hut, for a period of time no shorter than one month. You will wear the classic Weenie hut hat on your head and you will wear it at all times when working. You are not allowed to glamour anyone, during your shift. We will be watching you via Web camera and posting the video to vamp Utube. Just think Bill, you will get to spend a luxuriating 8 hours a night surrounded by human food, taking human orders, while wearing a giant weenie on your head and a uniform, previous worn by a sweaty teenager. All the while saying to every customer, “Welcome to the Weenie Hut, home of the world-famous Weenie, may I take your order”! I know you will just love it.”

“Sookah! AAAAAAAAAAAh! You can’t make me work there! You know I can not stand human food! And those outfits are undignified!”

“The Weenie hut! That is a fitting job for Compton, since he always acts like such a weenie!” Pam laughs and Eric joins her.

“Lover, have I ever told you how much I appreciate the way your mind works!” Eric grabs me and puts a kiss on my neck.

“Don’t worry Bill I have three more punishments for you.”

The next punishment is for cheating on me and for you lack of people skills. So to learn these skills you will spend one month, strapped into a chair, in such a way, that it will not burn you. And since you claim to be “main streaming”, you will be given two true bloods per day, via a beer hat that will be worn on your head. This chair will be in a blank, white room, pointed at a TV, forcing you to watch it. The TV will be only be allowed to show Children’s educational programing. You will watch all the shows and regale us with their songs, here in court, when your punishment is complete. If you don’t know all the songs, you will spend more time in the chair until you do. I just can’t wait for you to sing to us the Dora the Explorer song or tell us how to get Swiper to stop swiping. Maybe Pam can get you the outfit to wear. I know you would just love that!”

“You know I love anything that involves shopping and spending Eric money!” I can almost see Pam making plans in her head.

“Thanks Pam! I knew I could count on you!”

“Bill, you will also be watching, the Wiggles, The Wonder Pets, Wow Wow Wabbzy, Oobi and Barney the big purple dinosaur. It has been know to drive healthy adults insane, with their catchy songs, little dances and over the top cheerfulness. I am sure you will just love it!”

“This is a punishment?” The Queen looks intrigued.

“Oh yes, it will be quite torturous for him and will drive him crazy. All the characters speak to you like you are an idiot and then sing annoying, catchy songs. It is almost, not quite, but almost, more annoying then Bill is and that is really saying a lot.” Eric nods as if taking notes.

“For his next punishment, I was thinking that since Bill loves to feel the “love” and force it on others, that he would do a great job at being “The Vampire Bear Hugger”. A brand new show on Animal Planet channel.” The famous animal rights activist and known bear hugger Timothy Treadwell was killed a few years back by a bear, he had hugged. Ever since he died, there has been a huge gaping hole, in animal rights community that needs to be filled. Who better to spread the love, hugging bears then you Bill?

“No Sookah! AAAAAAAAAH! I can’t hug bears on TV! They are dirty, smelly creatures and they might tear me to shreds! Not to mention what other Vampires will think of me hugging bears!

“All the vampires that have ever met you, don’t respect you Bill. So this will not change anything in their eyes! I don’t care if you don’t want to do it, that is what makes it a fitting punishment!

“But Sookah! AAAAAAAAAAAH! I really need to stop saying her name so much!”

“Just think Bill, you are just perfect for the job. You don’t care if others don’t want to be touched by you or to be near you, you force it on them anyway. You are Vampire, so you can defend yourself, if one of the bears attacks you or you could quickly run away at vamp speed to save yourself. Don’t worry, I am allowing you to bring donors with you or you can carry a cooler full of donor blood, just in case. Mr. Treadwell, a mere human, did this job for years, without getting injured, until his untimely death. You will be fine. So your punishment, is to raise awareness and funds for the bears. You are going to single handily save the bears from extinction, for future generations.”

“That is a brilliant punishment my dear. Plus it will help the AVL to change our image among the masses. Bravo!”

“Thank you Magister.” I say with a proud air.

“And Bill you must hug every bear in North America. Including Polar bears and the ones living in zoos. And I do mean Every Bear Bill.”

“How will you know Lover, if he has indeed hugged every bear and not just the same one over and over?”

“Well Billy boy here, is going to tag each bear he hugs with a tracking device for Bear researchers. Or at least the ones that aren’t already tagged. These devices are used to track their movements and numbers. Each bear has a unique number so he will write them all down in his log book. In conjunction with the video evidence, it will prove if he hugged a different bear each time. Don’t forget to hug the cubs as well.” Everyone laughs.

“I hear Mama bears is quite aggressive, so I would be careful if I was you!” I laugh again.

“Once you have completed your list of bears, I will contact a friend of mine with Bear research association. He can confirm Bills list, by checking each bears tracking device against Bill’s log, to verify the truth of each hug.”

“Congratulations Bill on your new career on TV.” I clap. All the vampires are laughing at him.

Bill is mutters to himself, but wisely leaves my name out of it.

“For my last and final punishment, is for Bill humiliating me. This punishment is another TV show. “Vampire Bill the Restroom Remodeler” a new show on the DIY channel. This show will follow Bill as he goes from Gas Station to Gas Station fixing and remodeling public restrooms. On each show he will remodel a different bathroom, himself, by hand, with Bob Vila. There is a problem in this country, with gas station restrooms being dirty, small and in a state of disrepair. You will spend your time when not hugging bears, fixing this problem.”

“Sookah! AAAAAAAAAAH! You want me to remodel public restrooms! With Bob Vila? He looks crazy! And Gas Station restrooms are disgusting. I will not step foot in one of those! The smell alone!” Bill shutters in disgust at the idea.

“Well now you know how I feel, when I am force to be near you!”

“Well if you don’t like it I am sure the Magister will come up with something more fitting for your punishment.”

Chapter 15 >>>

Chapter 13 – Bill

Chapter 13:

“The evidence presented here tonight makes it clear to me, that you were the one, who was in fact breaking our laws… Compton, you forget that since the great reveal, the AVL changed our laws for the good and protection of all of Vampire kind. Due to the new technology of humans, we can no longer hide in the shadows and legends, we now live in a world filled with technology, where actions such as yours could end up on the evening news, affecting us all.”

Mummers are heard throughout the room.

“These new laws forbid, acquiring humans by tricking or forcing them to take our blood. It also forbids claiming humans, that do not wished to be claimed. Your actions are made even more unacceptable when the human in question can not be glamoured to forget your crimes against her. Then there is the fact that she was accepting of our kind enough to save you from drainers. This action alone displayed an openness towards vampires, that could have led to her working for us, without the need to commit such crimes against her. Or at least she was open to working with vampires, before your questionable actions towards her. ”

“After verifying her skills, you could have simply offered her a contract with the Queen, for the use of her telepathic skill and paid her nicely with benefits. Stipulating in the contract that a blood exchange or tie was required for tracking and protection. Then briefly explained what a ties is and what it entails.”

Shock noises are heard throughout the room about explaining ties to a human.

“The Queen could have ordered all her worthy, loyal Sheriffs and children to court. Then informed them that the she found a telepath and was looking for one vampire to blood tie with a her. The vampires interested in the task, would each take a turn meeting the telepath over the period of a week. Which would give her time to figure out which vampire she felt most comfortable being tied too. Allowing her to choose her vampire would have garnered her respect and trust, rather than hate and distrust. You can not glamour her, you need her loyalty. Instead Compton forced his blood on her, causing her to be tied to someone she despised. All vampires present today in this court should take note of this.”

“Compton, your actions not only endangered vampires, but also endangered the Telepath’s willingness to work for us in the future… Your actions could have made her readings untrustworthy and sent her fleeing from you to our enemies hands at the Fellowship of the Sun. Luckily for you, your Sheriff intervened in time and protected her not only from your advances, but secured her skills for his Queen. Your actions and failure to adhere to our laws are a danger to us all.”

“Guards arrest him.” Bill looks sullen. The guards come over and chain Bill’s arms behind his back. Bill only fights back a little, before he realizes there is no point, he’s not escaping. One guard stands on each side of him with gloves holding him in place.

“It is this courts ruling, that the human Telepath Sookie Stackhouse belongs to Sheriff Northman and Bill has no rights to her… Now for Bills punishment for wasting this courts time, implicating the Queen for his actions, going against his Sheriff and show great disrespect to all involved, as well as not abiding by the new rules set forth by the AVL…..”

“Hm. I believe that since it was Ms Stackhouse who was wronged, she should pick out his punishment. I think this would be a most fitting and entertaining. Don’t you agree Sophie Ann?”

“Yes, indeed. I believe Bill is owed quite a bit of punishment and Ms Stackhouse should be the one to decide it.” The Queen has an evil sneer on her face. I am sure she is pissed that Bill failed in his mission, to bring me to her. But she does not want to implicate herself, by saying so, in front of the Magister.

“I order for Ms Stackhouse to decide your punishment.”

“Ms Stackhouse. How would you like Bill to be punished my dear?”

“Well I don’t believe in physical punishment. The way I see it he has done many things wrong to me, so I have a few different punishments in mind. If that is ok?”

The Magister and Queen nods.

“Since he took away my Virginity, under false pretences and I can never get it back, I think I should take something from him he will never be able to replace.”

The Queen nods at me.

“Your Majesty do you have any grenade launchers available?”

“Grenade launchers?… No?.. What would you need that for? I thought you were against physical punishments?”

“Yes, I am against physical punishment to all sentient beings, no matter their species, race, creed, tax bracket or education level.”

“Then why do you need a Grenade launcher for?”

“I need it to set off the fire works… I wonder if I could buy one on Ebay?” I think out loud. The Queen and Magister look perplexed.

“Fire works? Explain.” The Queen orders.

“Blowing up the house he built with his own two hands and lived in with his human family would be a good start to his punishment. It is something that could never truly be replaced. So It would be quite fitting. Why not use fireworks? It would make it much more entertaining, then just watching it burn down to the ground. Besides then we can make an event out of it.” Bill looks horrified and Eric looks smug. I guess he likes my idea. The Queen and Magister look impressed.

“The supplies I would need is 15,000 dollars worth of fire works that shoot up in the air, a Grenade launcher to set it off or maybe an elephant gun with incendiary rounds. Does any one have one of those I can borrow? I will give it right back?” I look around every one is just staring at me, in surprise.

“I would also need a stereo with speakers, to play appropriate music and 8 high-definition video cameras. I want to take video of it from different points of view, in slow motion and ask Pam to post it to Vamp Utube for me.”

Pam nods at me to let me know she would love to post it for me.

“Without a house on his property he would be less likely to stay there. Though this is only one of his punishments, I have more in store for him.” All the vampires are dead quite, waiting for the Queens response.

“You surprise me for a breather.”

“If I may your Majesty?” She nods her approval for Eric to speak.

“I have an elephant gun you could borrow Lover. Grenade launchers are illegal in LA. Except for military use, so they are harder to come by. I have not acquired any incendiary rounds or fire works, since Vampires do not care for fire. I can have my day man acquire those items for you.”

“Thanks Eric!” I hug him.

“Ooops. Sorry.” I blush.

“Feel free to rub your body up against me anytime you like Lover.” He raises that famous eye brow at me.

“You are such a man!” I laugh, gently slapping at his arm. Bill is fuming at our exchange.

“If I may your Majesty.” She nods to Harold.

“I have video and stereo equipment you could use. We can add the video to the game as well.”

“Thanks Harold. You’re the best!”

“Hooker you is something else!”

I giggle. Bill is now out of his shock and is able to speak again.

“But Sookah! I built that house! You can not take it away from me!” He whines.

“Man up and grow a pair Bill! No one wants to hear you whine! I will allow you to remove a few mementoes before the event. I am not totally  heartless, unlike you. Besides I am not done with you yet. You still have many sins to pay for and karma is a bitch. I just so happen to be that bitch!”

“What is it I hear about a game, that the breather wants to add the video to.”

“Oh silly me! I almost forgot!”

“Harold lets do the presentation and then I will proceed with the rest of Bills punishment.”

Harold nods and gets out his lap top and plugs it in to the TV again. He then hooks up two external speakers to up the sound quality. Then motions to me he is ready.

“After being harassed by Bill for the past few months, I was very angry. So one day I was speaking with Harold and the idea for the video game “Ex boyfriend Annihilator – Bill Compton addition” and the game was born. Harold.” Harold starts the video and asks someone to get the lights.

The video starts. It was the video Pam shot the other night, when we put on the presentation at Fangtasia for the new game. Uncut.

The Vampires in the room look on with interest at the video. Bill is fuming. The Queen and Magister looks impressed.

Once the video completes. I address the Queen again.

“You can not allow this your Majesty! This is a travesty! She used my voice, name and image in that game.” Bill whines.

“Your Majesty, as I stated on the video, I am planning to pay you tribute for the game, since a vampire’s likeness from your revenue is in the game. Here is your first check, if I may approach.” The Queen looks giddy. I hand her the check and she smiles at it.

“Bill there will be no further talk about the game. It is already quite profitable. You will not interfere with this game in any way. Do. I. Make. Myself. clear!” She looks down at Bill with a look that says she means business.

“How long has the game been for sale? This is looking promising from the amount of this check.”

“We have only been selling the game for two days and it has been well received so far.”

“Harold could you hand out a free copy to the Queens, Kings and Magister?”

“Don’t forget about the accessories.” Harold whispers to me, before he hands out the game.

“We also have come out with some new accessories to the game. We have a body double of Bill or a manikin, made out of ballistics gel. It is embedded with micro chips that can sense the damage you do to it and can be plugged into the game, to score points. This is for those who prefer a more hands on approach to torture. On the back of the manikin there is a place that you can pour 4 bottles of true blood into. It has micro tubing running through out the body to simulate blood vessels, enabling it to bleed. The bones are made out of crushed cow bone, with a thin steel rod inlay to more accurately simulate the cracking of breaking bones. It also has a working mouth and a speech box, so that it can yell and whine, in Bills annoying voice.”

Harold has wheeled out the manikin on a table and propped it up for all to see.

“For only $6,000 per manikin, you can have your very own Bill Compton to torture. It takes 1 month for delivery to you, since each manikin takes so long to create.”

“Why is it so hairy and its dick so small?” Pam says looking at it in disgust.

“This manikin is anatomically correct version of Bill. Bill is just that hairy and small. Harold flip it over.”

“His ass is actually that hairy. Isn’t it gross. He looks like freak’n Alf.” (From the 80 TV show. He is a hairy, rude alien from outer space)

“Alf. I have not heard of him.”

“Pam google him. You will see what I am talking about. They even have the same hair.”

Pam takes a few minutes playing with her phone looking up Alf.  Suddenly she busts up laughing. I notice a few of the Vamps in the room did the same with their phones and join in with Pam.

“My ass is not that hairy. That is an inaccurate copy of me. I demand you fix it!”

“Seriously Bill? Your ass is so hairy you could single handily cure male pattern baldness, for every man on the Eastern sea board, with a hair donation from you ass alone. Not to mention you are so hairy that you should be in that video for ” I’m bringing hairy back” (a video making fun of the song by Justin Timberlake, I bringing sexy back.)

I see the vamps looking up the video.

Everyone starts laughing.

“Hooker, you is off the chain!” Laf is getting teary eyed.

“Now for the more budget minded individual, we have Bill Compton Blow up Dolls. You can not fill them with True blood and the sensors in them are not as sensitive as the other model, but for the bargain price of $800, you can tear Bill to shreds again and again.”

“We also have Bill stress balls. They are Gel filled balls that look like Bills head. You can squeeze the balls to help you relieve stress. Plus squeezing the balls contorts his face in amusing ways, sold today only for the price of $5.00. Harold please pass some of these around for everyone to look at.”

“Let everyone who drives past you know that, you Annihilated Bill with a “I Annihilated Bill” bumper sticker. At the great price of $3 you can even pick up a few for your friends.”

“And for the first time ever we are introducing the Bill Compton Bobble head doll. Place on the dash of your car while driving and see Bills head bop around. For today only, you get one free with purchase of the game. Thank you for your time.”

All the vamps rush the stage, followed by some humans, trying to get their own copy of the game and accessories. Harold is quite busy for while filling and taking orders. Laf helps him out.

“Don’t forget about the plaques Sookie.” Harold reminds me, once things have calmed down a bit.

“Oh darn. I forgot I have two more gifts for you Bill.”

Bill looks afraid of what they will be.

Harold comes forward handing me two plaques.

“This is a duplicate plaque of our break up list, just like the last one I gave you, that you destroyed. And this plaque is a copy of the list but in Binary code.( Binary code is computer code, which is written using only 1’s and 0’s) Since you seem to be able to communicate with computers better than you are able to communicate with other people, I thought you might have an easier time understanding it.” I hand both plaques to Bill’s laughing guards.

Now on ward with Bills other punishments.

Check out the Bill Get Told page for links to:

Photo of Alf

Video: I am bringing hairy back

Video: of Tuvan throat singing

Link to pictures >>>

Chapter 14 >>>

Chapter 12 – Bill

Chapter 12:

Jason looks at me one more time, before taking off like a bat out of hell.

A hush falls over everyone.

“That certainly was interesting. Now, let us proceed with the case. William T Compton has brought up charges against Sheriff Eric Northman of Area 5, for stealing his human. Is this correct Compton.”

“Yes, Magister. She was mine and he took her from me.” Bill whines.

“The Sheriff and the human in question, state that she broke up with you over 6 months ago. Is that correct.”

“We had a fight 6 months ago. She said she no longer wished to see me. But she would have taken me back if it was not for the Sheriff.” He says Sheriff with a sneer.

“Is that true Sheriff?”

“No Magister. My Bonded and I have only been together a few nights. After Bill trespasses against her, she fled the area for a while to escape him. Months later she returned. She came to my club to visit with me and my child. This is when we got together and days later bonded. She had no intentions of ever returning to him, which I can prove with the evidence on this video.”

“Bonded!” the Queen yells out, as if she did not hear it the last time Eric said it.

“Yes, your Majesty. Sookie and I bonded a few nights ago. I explained to her what it means to bond and asked her to bond with me. She accepted and we have since bonded.”

“Let me see the evidence you have Sheriff.” The Magister waves off this information as if it is nothing.

Eric walks up to large 50 inch flat screen TV on the wall and plugs his phone to it. He loads the video of the night I gave Bill the list of the reasons why I broke up with him and sang him three songs. All the vampires in the room watch in fascination. They are laughing at him, some crying blood tears from hearing the list. Some look like they are going to fall over, when I am singing Fuck you by Eamon to him. Every time I call him a hoe the laughter gets louder. Even the Queen and the Magister are laughing at him.

When the video concludes, Eric takes the thumb drive and plugs it into his phone and plays the phone messages, that Bill left on my answering machine.

“Magister, what I am about to play are some of the messages Compton left on my bonded answering machine over the past 6 months.”

It starts to play.

“Sookah! I love you Sookah! I know I lied to you! But I had to! The Queen ordered me too! I had to! I had no choice Sookah! It was for your own protection! It was all the Queens fault! You have to know I love you Sookah! Blah, blah , blah.”

Eric plays 5 messages that all basically say the same thing, before the Magister motions for him to turn it off. The Queen looks pissed.

“Mr. Compton, you seek to waste this courts time. It is quite clear to all here, that the human in question was not yours at the time, she came to belong to your Sheriff.”

“But Magister Sookah is Mine. She has had my blood.”

“Is this true, has she had his blood?”

Eric motions it ok for me to speak.

“Yes Magister, that is true. However Bill is leaving out some important facts. On the first night I met Bill, he arranged for two V addicts to drain him in the parking lot of where I work. I saved his undead life, from them. Then the following night, as a reward for saving his dumb ass, he glamoured them into beating me with in an inch of my life! Just so he could force his blood into me, when I was unconscious. So he blood raped me, in my option.

Then later, when I asked him what his blood would do to me, he lied. Luckily, I came to find out the truth later. I had no interest in Bill, what so ever, before having his blood. I thought of him only as a neighbor and possible friend, being the only other supernatural outcasts in town. Our whole relationship was built on lies. I was a virgin at the time and he took my maiden head under false pretenses. Not to mention, that my Gran was murdered by a serial killer because I was dating Bill Compton. Then not long after that he cheated on me.”

“But Sookah! I had too! I was following the Queens orders! I had no choice! I had to sleep with Lorena! You must believe me!”

“Can it, Hairy and the Henderson’s! I don’t want to hear it! I will never take you back! And if for some reason crazy reason, the Magister agrees with you, I will stake you stupid ass and then you will no longer be my problem!”

“But Sookah! You are mine!”

“Or maybe I will cut off your arms and legs and keep you tied up in the basement. It will be hard for you to follow me with out them. Maybe I should remove your voice box. Then I would not be force to listen to you annoying voice anymore. Or I cut off your dick too. Yes, then you won’t be able to force yourself on me. Because that is the only way I would ever sleep with you and your nasty ass small dick!”

“My dick is not small! My maker loved the size of my dick and said it was just perfect!” He whips it out. Showing it to the entire room. Everyone is laughing now.

“Seriously Bill! Do you need a microscope and some twisters to put that thing away. It is so small it looks like you never even went through puberty.” I see tears running down every ones faces.

“You always seemed to enjoy it Sookah.” Bill says as if it is something to be proud of. During this time he some how manages to find his dick and put it away with out the help of tools.

“That is called faking an orgasm Bill! I didn’t want to put up with having you on top of me, make’n those ridiculous faces and noises any longer then I had too!”

“You, you did not fake it! It was real!”

“Want to bet!” Taking a page from the movie “When Harry meet Sally” with Meg Ryan, I fake an orgasm.

Without changing my bored expression I say.

“Oh God Bill, right there! Yeah! That’s it! OOOOOOH!” I hear fangs snap down around the room.

“It was real! You would not fake it!”

“Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that Bill!”

Bill growls at me. Eric and Pam are laughing so hard they have tears running down their faces.

“How could you not tell she was faking it Bill, did you not realize her walls where not clenching you?” Eric laughs out.

“You are Mine Sookie!”

“For the last time I am not yours! Harold do you have those papers I asked you to type up?”

Harold comes forward with a large box and Laf pulls a table over to set it up on.

“Since you seem to lost the ability to comprehend the English language, I took the liberty of having the itemize list of why I broke up with you translated in to different languages. Maybe this will make you understand it!”

“Here is a copy of the list in Catalanize, Chinese, Croatian, Danish, Finnish, French, Greek, Korean, Japanese, Latin, Norwegian, Swedish, Portuguese, Romanian, Russian, Spanish and finally Swahili.” I slam down a packet of papers with the list in each language was I call them out.

“Swahili!” Laughs out the Magister.

“And if that doesn’t help, I took the liberty of contacting some of your favoriate artists, the Tuvan throat singers.” Harold hooks up his lap top to the tv and plays a video.

The video starts and the Tuvan throat singers, sing out my list in that annoying throaty voice.

“Bill I can’t believe you listen to this crap.” Pam yells out.

“It is a cultured taste. You should expanded your horizons”

“Cultured my ass” Pam says sarcastically.

After taking a few minutes to compose himself the Magister gets back to the task at hand.

“Throat singing. That is a first for me during court. Your bonded is a feisty one, isn’t she Sheriff. I can see why you choose her, she is very entertaining. It is hard to find, after so many years wander this earth.”

“Yes indeed she is and I would not have her any other way.” Eric responds in a proud manner.

Chapter 13 >>>